"Philip, what am I...what are we going to do?" Margaret Nevins
repeated her question as she struggled
to get her emotions under control.
Her relief at her son's apparent
health, despite his badly bruised upper
body, warred with the anger she
felt building. He'd ruined all of her and
Michael's careful surprise. "It
hasn't been a year since the last time you
got in a fight. Who was it this
time? And why?"
"Peter....," Philip quietly responded, "...and Jeff." He pointedly
remained silent about the other
question, hoping she wouldn't ask.
"Peter and Jeff?" she gave him a confused look. The other two boys
she'd only met once and couldn't
imagine a reason for the three to have
come to this. The two had gone out
of their way to see Philip, had missed a
dance to get him to go. That they
never came back after her son told them
not to? "Who started it?"
"I swung first." Philip hung his head, staring away from his mom.
He knew from past experience that
he couldn't lie to her and get away with
it. She'd just find out with a phone
call or two. "But they started it!" He
instantly regretted that last statement.
No matter how he felt about it,
she'd never let him justify his
actions, and he'd brought the conversation
right back to the `why' question.
"How?" she watched her son's flushed features intently. Getting any
information out of her son was as
easy as pulling hens' teeth, but he was
caught this time. "What did they
do?"
"They were in my room." Philip felt his anger at the intrusion rise
anew. "Pete told everybody about
Mike...the picture he saw."
"So?" she looked around the room, then settled back on her agitated
son. "OK, maybe Peter shouldn't
have come in uninvited, but did that
deserve you punching him? He just
wanted to be your friend and was probably
wondering why you don't have any,
when you did in the past." She took a
deep breath when he didn't respond.
"This is what will happen! No TV at
home, no computer, no working on
models, and no fire department for two
weeks! As for Jeff and Peter...."
she finally caught his eyes when he
looked up. "I want you to apologize
to both of them. Maybe it isn't too
late..."
"It's too late!" Philip growled, trying to make her understand. He
knew he'd be grounded, but hadn't
counted on the `no firefighting'
edict. "I don't want them as friends...I
don't need friends."
"What about Mike?" she began her next assault on his attitude,
remembering their guests; "You said
you were always going to be friends!"
"Well, I guess that was a lie too." Philip's voice broke as he
looked at the photo on his desk.
"We aren't friends any more. We haven't
even talked on the phone for over
a year!"
"Well, why don't you tell him that yourself?" Margaret pounced. "He
and a friend are sitting in the
living room! They came for you! Why don't
you come out and say 'hi'?"
Philip stared at his mother paralyzed, as he slowly collapsed onto
his bed and rolled away from her,
curling tightly into a ball. He felt his
heart pounding in his chest and
suddenly drew in a ragged breath past the
hard lump that appeared in his throat.
All his idle dreams about how a
reunion with his one time best friend
would happen came crashing down
around him. In his dreams they had
embraced each other, oblivious to the
world, promising they would do everything
and be together like they had as
children. Now Mike was here, back
in his life, and he was terrified.
Mike knew what they had done as kids and had told everyone he was
gay! What if he let slip what they
had done? Philip was sure his life would
be over, he'd lose everything. His
mom, the only person he still knew he
loved, would hate him. He so wanted
to run away from there as fast as he
could, but was rooted to the spot
he was in.
"Philip Nevins! Did you hear what I said?" His mom's voice had
become commanding, "You need to
go see him!"
"No, mom, please?" Philip pulled himself protectively tighter as
his narrow world he'd built around
himself shrank, leaving him horribly
exposed. "I...I...I can't!"
"Why, Philip?" Margaret placed a hand on his shoulder,
unsuccessfully trying to turn him
over. "Is it because he's gay? Is that
why?"
"N...No, that's not it." Philip's voice sounded remote to his own
ears as he felt his closed eyes
grow steadily wetter at his self-loathing
of the coward he would forever see
in the mirror. "It's me. I just can't!
Just tell him to go."
"It is because I'm gay, isn't it?" Mike stood by the doorway where
he'd heard the last exchange. He'd
been told to expect a negative reaction
when his old friends heard about
him, but it still hurt profoundly, coming
from Philip.
"No! It's not!" Philip yelled. He rolled to face this new attacker
and froze, staring into the tear-stained
face of his childhood friend. "No,
it's not."
"Then what is it?" Mike slowly crossed the space between them and
sat at the foot of the bed. The
look on his old friend's face shocked
him. He looked like a trapped, scared
animal seeking any escape. "I'm sorry
we stopped talking. I guess our
dialing fingers stopped working at the same
time, but I thought we were still
friends."
Philip glanced quickly from Mike to his mother. They were waiting
for his response, but what could
he say to make them go away and not hurt
one or the other of them? He let
the silence in the room speak for him as
he rolled back onto his side. There
was nothing he could say.
"OK, Philip." Margaret looked at Mike for a sign, then at her
unresponsive son, and came to a
decision. "I packed your bag for a trip
with Michael and you're going!"
"But I'm grounded..." Philip's confused voice was a welcome relief
from his silence to her, "...and
I haven't heard from Marty yet."
"You're grounded when and where I tell you." She smiled a little as
he visibly attempted to process
her strange logic. "Michael is the closest
and only friend you've ever had.
If you want to screw that up, go right
ahead, but you're not going to do
it in front of me!" She was relieved to
see Mike nod in approval. "I'm tired
of your hiding from the world, so
you're going! Put a clean shirt
on! I don't want to see you for a week!"
She quickly put up a hand to forestall
his objection. "Marty's dad called
to say he's home, that he wasn't
charged. I'd have told you sooner but I
was concerned you'd be the one in
jail, not him. You're too old for these
stupid fights to keep happening.
Now go and get to know your friend
again. Or don't, but the choice
will be yours. I'm not going to be the
reason."
__________________________________________________________________________
Mike glanced in the mirror at his morose friend as they turned off
of US-77 toward South Padre. Philip
hadn't said a word for the last seven
hours as they drove to their destination.
At least, Steven let Philip's
attitude pass. Mike figured Steve
was preoccupied, thinking about the week
he'd be spending with Jenny in his
room. How those two had pulled that off
with their parents was beyond him,
but he figured they'd be lucky to see
the light of day.
"Hey, Steve, remember to get some sun this week...," Mike smiled
through his thoughts at his long
time friend, "...otherwise your parents
will know you never left your bed
and wonder why."
"Hey, we're just going out for a `test drive'," Steve winked lewdly
at the other two. "Right, Philip?"
Steve looked back for a moment, then
gave up when the kid in the space
behind the seat said nothing. Thank God,
Philip would be sharing a room with
Mike, not him. He idly wondered how
long it would be before Mike beat
the shit out of Philip, if for no other
reason than to get him to say something!
Oh well, it was Mike's problem,
not his!
"So Mike...," he redirected his focus, "...who're you planning on
hooking up with this week?"
"Well, some of the guys in my support group will be down for the
week," Mike began, cautiously looking
for any reaction from Philip. "But I
won't be `hooking up' with anyone.
I just want to have time to forget the
rest of the world and have fun this
week."
"You are going to be able to stay away from the booze?" Steve
recovered the subject they'd been
over again and again.
"Yeah! No problem there," Mike patiently answered again. "I like
watching others act like drunk fools.
I don't have to act that way myself."
He panted in an exaggerated manner.
"I like to watch! Maybe even you and
Jenny!"
"Dream on, pervert!" Steve grinned back. "The only show from me
you'll ever get is the team showers!"
"That's OK," Mike shot back, not giving in yet. "I've heard that
two of your team members have used
the showers at school for more than
showering!"
"But not around the rest of us!" Steve came back, but quieter. He'd
thought that secret was closely
held amongst the small circle of people he
was part of. "Whatever Chris and
Kelvin may or may not have done is their
business. Not ours!"
"So you don't care that the showers have been used for more than
that?" Mike couldn't help but push
the buttons when his straight friend
found himself uncomfortable.
"No, I don't care," Steve retorted to his friend's egging him
on. "That may be your fantasy, but
Jenny and I prefer a bed."
"That's good!" Mike sighed in mock relief. "Remember, I've seen
`it'. If you two tried anything
in your small truck, she'd probably be more
interested in the stick shift than
you!" Mike laughed uncontrollably as he
felt Steve's fist slam into his
arm. "Hey! No fair! I'm driving!"
Steve turned to Philip, smiling, to ask if he'd take over
driving. He left the question unasked
as he saw the kid staring out the
small window at the darkness of
the early morning. Philip was acting like
they weren't there, like he was
the only living thing left in the world.
Steve sighed and turned back to stare out the windshield as the
road passed quickly through the
beam of their headlights. He didn't know
what Mike had hoped for. Philip
was good looking and powerfully built, for
a cheerleader; he smiled at that
thought, but the kid sure didn't want to
be there. He hoped Mike would get
him to open up, to find out what was
wrong, otherwise his friend was
in for a long week.
"Oh shit!" he exclaimed as they pulled up behind a small line of
cars on the two lane road that was
blocked by a group of emergency
vehicles, their lights winking brightly.
"Looks like a fuckin' wreck!" He
laughed when he saw a slightly built
man struggle with some heavy
scissors-looking things after stumbling
over the orange hoses that led from
the tool. "Man, these clowns are
gon'a take forever! We're never gon'a get
there!"
"These clowns?" Philip felt his face burning; he'd seen the same
incident the other was now laughing
at. That was too much! "What do you
know about those `clowns'? Have
you ever crawled into a wrecked car? Been
covered in someone else's blood?"
"No, I....," Steve guiltily started, remembering too late that
Mike's friend was wearing a fire
department T-shirt. Philip's sad eyes had
been replaced with pure fiery hatred.
Like he'd been personally attacked.
"Well, I have!" Philip struggled to get himself under control as
his memories flooded back. Both
of the others looked at him without
understanding. How could they? "And
I'd rather be with one of those
`clowns' than with ten of either
of you! You aren't worth their shit! Take
me to the airport or let me out!
I'll find my own way home!"
"Flip!" Mike unconsciously used Philip's nickname as he reacted to
the sudden outburst. "Calm down!
Steve didn't mean anything! Let it go."
"Yes, he did!" Philip stopped his struggles and slumped back into
his seat. They weren't moving to
let him out anyway. "Go ahead and laugh,
but all you are to me is two victims
waiting to happen! Then it'll be up to
me or some other clowns to clean
up after your worthless lives!"
"If you really feel that way...," Mike watched Philip and Steve
intently. The looks they gave each
other were murderous. He'd hoped that
his friends would like each other,
now he just wanted to make sure they
wouldn't kill each other, "...then
why do you do it?"
Philip breathed out slowly and `let it go'. `Why did he do it?' He
thought as silence filled the truck.
He couldn't make the others
understand, they weren't part of
that world. Would never understand how
much he valued being identified
as a firefighter, how much fun it was to
him. He smirked to himself; try
to explain that! Dealing with other
people's tragedies could be fun?
Why bother trying to explain the
unexplainable?
Mike continued to watch in silence as his old friend retreated back
into himself. He knew Flip was uncomfortable
being there and he would take
him to the airport if he still wanted
to go after they had a chance to rest
at the hotel for a while first.
He could only hope that it wouldn't come up
again. If he did have to take him
to the airport, he was sure that their
separation would be final. He sighed
deeply. Nothing had turned out the way
he'd wanted so far. Maybe the old
Philip, the one he'd been in love with,
was gone for good. Replaced by a
hate- filled loner, sharing what he could
do but not himself. Forever walled
away from his or anyone's love.
Mike let his heart hang heavily as they pulled out to follow the
line of cars around the accident
when one lane was opened. He realized then
that he still cared deeply for Philip
as a friend but wasn't so sure he
still loved him any more. Had the
new Flip really killed the old Philip?
He'd just have to find out, but
was afraid he already knew the answer.
Philip sat alone in the dark of the deserted beach, looking at the
gathering dawn over the Gulf of
Mexico. He let his tears fall untended as
his emotions tumbled inside of him.
He'd never liked change and, true to
form, had screwed everything up
so far. Steve was thankfully in his room
practicing for his wedding night
with Jenny so he didn't have to face him
again, and Mike had been about to
take a shower when he'd slipped out of
the room. He'd been wrong in the
truck. Steve's life was valuable; he had
found someone to love and love him
back. It was his own that was worthless.
He had no one and it was his own
fault. He could tell from Mike's body
language that they were over as
friends. Mike acted like he was afraid of
him now, of what he'd become.
Philip quietly took his shirt off and examined the symbol on the
front pocket. He'd certainly screwed
up his chances of staying in the fire
department. His fight with Jeff
and Pete was sure to get back to his
captain and that would be that!
"Hey, Philip?" Mike whispered as he approached his old friend.
"What are you thinking about? Are
you OK?"
"Nothing." Philip quickly wiped his eyes, hoping he wasn't noticed.
"I'm OK. I'm sorry about Steve."
"Steve's OK with it." Mike settled himself down into the sand. "He
doesn't hold grudges. Hell, when
he and Jenny finally surface for air, he
probably won't even remember that
anything ever happened." He smiled to
hopefully disarm his friend's defenses.
"What else you thinking about?"
"Nothing." Philip drew his knees up to his chest reflexively.
"Bullshit!" Mike stared back. OK, he'd just try to batter him down
then. "You don't think I've been
there? I avoided my problems by getting
drunk all the time. Guess what?
They were still there when I wasn't." He
caught Philip's red eyes and held
his attention. "I don't know what your
problem is but it's going to kill
you if you're not careful! What happened?
You weren't like this before."
"Nothing happened!" Philip stood quickly and glanced around the
deserted beach. `I'm going back
to the room."
"I'm coming with you!" Mike yelled as he caught up to his friend.
"You left your key in the room!"
Mike quietly thanked God that he'd left
the key in the room himself. He
couldn't let go of his friend now. He had
to find out what was wrong before
Philip asked to leave again. He didn't
have any more excuses not to take
him.
"OK, do you want to tell me what is going on now or do you want to
take a shower first?" Mike closed
the door behind them, never taking his
eyes off of Philip.
"I said it's nothing!" Philip threw his shirt into a corner of the
room and caught himself when the
force of his throw caused him to lose his
balance. "Why don't you just leave
me alone! I can't talk about it!"
"That's bullshit too!" Mike pushed back cautiously. Philip was a
year and a half younger but more
powerfully built than his own skinny
frame. "Look, it's only us here.
No one else has to know. So what happened
to turn you into a first class jerk?"
"What happened?" Philip fought back the urge to strike out. Why was
Mike verbally pushing him? Nobody
cared what happened to him anyway. "Who
cares?"
"I do!" Mike shot back, then turned away to sit on his bed. "Or I
did. Now I don't know." His shoulders
slumped in defeat as he wiped the
streaks on his cheeks. "I'll take
you to the airport. You'll never have to
see me again."
"I moved away from the only friend I ever had," Philip whispered,
his anguished voice barely audible
in the quiet room. "The only person,
other than my mom, I ever loved.
Then when I heard about all his new
friends, I stopped calling." He
slowly collapsed into a corner of the room.
"Are...Are you happy now?"
"Did you say you loved me?" Mike quickly moved to Philip's side and
threw his arm around him. "I guess
nobody else knows about this, do they?"
"No." Philip buried his head in his arms. "They can't ever know. I
would lose everything. Just like
I've lost you."
"Ssh, Philip." Mike stroked his friend's bare back, feeling the
muscles shaking under his fingers.
"You haven't lost me. I'm still your
friend."
"B...but you don't love me, do you?" Philip pulled away from Mike's
embrace. "Did you ever?"
"Yes, I loved you." Mike hurt inside as he wiped the tears from his
friend's face. "Now I don't know.
You're so different, I need to get to
know you all over again." He took
a long shuddering breath. "And we still
live so far away from each other.
This isn't some story where we can just
drop everything and live happily
ever after. I stopped calling you because
I thought you'd found new friends
as well. But we do have this week if you
want to stay. I'd like you to."
"Hey, Flip! Get up and come down to the pool." Mike looked at his
friend where he'd fallen asleep
in his clothes after the high emotions died
away. "It's time to take the bull
by the horns and stop hiding! Com'on!"
"No," Philip mumbled sleepily. "I'm not ready. Besides I don't swim
and don't have anything to wear."
"OK." Mike looked at his friend in frustration as he turned to
leave. It was like Philip was retreating
from the opening he'd made that
morning. "But don't think you're
going to spend the whole week in here. You
have to eat some time!" He smiled
wistfully. "I do have other friends here
this week. They can be your friends
too if you'll rein in that hair trigger
of yours and not take everything
personally."
Mike quickly scanned the pool for Steve and Jenny and smiled to
himself to note they still weren't
there. Maybe Steve hadn't been joking
about them not seeing the light
of day.
"Mike! Over here!" a familiar voice from his support group called
out across the pool.
"Hey, Nick!" Mike called back as he moved to the others and sat
down. "Trent, John," he nodded at
the other two.
"So, where is this old friend you've been talking about?" Nick
looked back at the room door as
if expecting it to open.
"He didn't want to come down yet," Mike said nonchalantly. "We got
in early this morning. He was still
asleep."
Philip jerked the drape back across the window and spun back to his
suitcase. He knew he shouldn't have
said anything that night but it had
just popped out on its own and he
couldn't take it back now. Mike had
promised he wouldn't say anything
but now he was down at the pool with
those other guys, talking and laughing.
He didn't know what about until one
of the others had pointed up to
the room he was in! This wasn't working! He
didn't belong here! But where could
he go?
He looked back at the phone, thinking of his mother who'd betrayed
him when she said she wouldn't pick
him up if he flew back early and would
make sure he quit the department
unless he stayed and Mike brought him
home. She'd even ended the short
conversation with a curt `have fun.'
`Yeah, right!' he thought, `like
a trapped animal gnawing its foot off to
get free!'
He pulled out some clean clothes and slipped into them, throwing
the cut-off jeans he'd found into
the waste basket. He wouldn't need those,
he thought disgustedly, what a waste
of one of his jeans. At least she
hadn't packed his ratty old workout
clothes.
Grabbing the room key, he glanced out to make sure he wasn't being
watched and slipped down the stairs
to find a fast food joint close by. It
would make it easier to avoid any
group meals later. Besides, he had to
admit he was hungry now.
"Philip?" Mike came padding his way, leaving a wet trail of
footprints behind him. "Where you
going?"
"I didn't feel like being around the pool. I was going to walk to
the Mickey-D's I saw just down the
road," Philip responded warily. "I'm
hungry."
"Mickey-D's? Hell, you're dressed more for church than a trip for a
burger." Mike shook his head in
amazement. It was a good thing his mom
hadn't packed a tie or he'd be wearing
that too. "Why don't you come meet
the guys and we'll go with you.
We can have some fun."
"No, I don't think so." Philip saw the scowl quickly develop on
Michael's face. "Maybe later, but
not right now."
"Philip, don't lie to me." Mike slowly let his hostility fade. "Do
you even know how to have fun any
more like you used to?"
"I have fun," Philip replied defensively. "It's just not like it
used to be."
"Yeah, you used to have fun with other people around," Mike jumped
back at him. "So, if someone were
to, say, jump on you soaking wet, would
you laugh at the joke or kick the
shit out'a them?"
"I'd kick the shit out of them!" Philip turned away, unsmiling,
hoping that would end it once and
for all.
"Liar!" Mike yelled as he jumped on Philip's back, rubbing his suit
against his old friend's now soaked
slacks. Holding on with one hand around
Philip's neck, he jabbed his free
hand into Philip's ribs and wiggled them
back and forth.
Philip staggered under Mike's added weight and began to swing him
around and off his back. The bastard
was going to pay for attacking
him. Suddenly his legs gave way
as a fit of laughter burst from under the
tickling fingers.
"No, stop! Please!" Philip yelled, as Mike started using both his
hands when he tried to squirm away.
"I'm gon'a..." he was cut off by
another fit of involuntary laughter.
"You were gon'a beat the shit out of me anyway!" Mike smiled evilly
as he continued. "I like it better
this way! At least you're smiling now! I
just wanted to see if you still
could!"
"Stop! OK, you've made your point!" Philip gasped between giggles.
"I won't kick your ass! Just don't
expect any more!"
"Sorry! That's not good enough!" Mike continued. "You're gon'a have
fun with the rest of us if it kills
you!"
"OK! Anything, just stop!" Philip lay there gasping, as Mike
finally stopped and stood over him.
"Go change!" Mike smiled down at him and breathed out in relief,
glad that Philip was still ticklish.
If he hadn't been, the fight would
have been over quickly and Mike
was sure he'd have lost. "You're all wet!
Ditch the geek clothes. Didn't your
mom pack anything for the beach?"
"No," Philip lied. "Just jeans and these."
"Whatever!" Mike slumped back, not giving up yet. "Let's go change
and get something to eat. I'll be
up in a minute."
Mike watched Philip trudge back to their room as he went back to
his other friends. He was amazed
he still had a jaw to speak with!
"So, is your friend going to join us now?" Nick winked at him.
They'd seen the whole incident.
"No," Mike replied wistfully. "I don't know if he ever will."
"Is it because we're gay?" John spoke up, asking the question
they'd all been skirting around.
"No!" Mike said with some heat, then softened his tone. "If you
thought I had walls built up when
you met me, you should see his. I thought
we were going to have fun this week,
just two old friends out on the
town. Now I don't know if he can
have fun any more."
"Well, you know where we are if you need us." Nick looked closely
at the others as Mike left for his
room.
"Philip?" Mike whispered as he entered the dark room and crossed
over to his friend lying on the
bed. "I'm sorry about downstairs, but I
just wanted to see you laugh like
you used to. You don't have to do
anything you don't want to. I'll
leave you alone if that's what you want."
"I don't know what I want any more," Philip's voice cracked in the
still air. "I want to be who I am,
but can't. Everybody will hate me for
it...and even if I do...who will
love me? Not even you love me any more!
I...I..." His voice trailed off
as he stifled the sob that threatened to
break through.
"Hey, it's OK," Mike whispered. "Let it go. You can't keep holding
it all inside like this. I do love
you, but like we talked about earlier, I
can't be there all the time. Who
knows what will happen after this week,
but I will always be your friend.
I wasn't lying when I said `friends
forever'."
Mike remained silent and embraced his friend around his chest,
feeling his body wracked with sobs,
as he pounded the pillow into
submission. He smiled as Philip
let go. The pillow would have a charge
against Philip for excessive force,
as his state trooper dad would put
it. But at least he was pounding
it and not him!
__________________________________________________________________________
Philip rolled over and blearily stared at the phone ringing
incessantly by his ear. This was
day four, of nine, of his mother-imposed
exile. Mike had left him at peace
in the room, had even brought food back
so they could eat together sometimes.
The rest of the time Mike was gone,
out doing whatever he wanted to
do. He'd been good to his word and no
longer pressed Philip into doing
anything he didn't want to. Well, except
for fishing out his cut-offs for
him. Philip had tried to tell him he
wouldn't need those, but was glad
in the end that he'd have something a
little more comfortable to sleep
in. He slept in the nude at home, but this
wasn't home, so he kept himself
covered as much as he could.
"Hello?" He fumbled with the receiver.
"Hey, it's Mike," the familiar voice came through. "I know I
promised to leave you in there,
but I thought we could go running or
something this morning. You have
to get out of there before you get fat. I
don't know how you can stand it!"
"Look, I'm OK in here." Philip held the receiver like a snake. "I'm
fine. I...."
"Oh, com'on," Mike came back, cutting off the rest of his
statement. "Just do it for me. I
haven't asked you for anything else this
week. Just come out and be part
of the human race for a while. It won't
kill you! Please?"
"I don't know," Philip quickly began to run through his excuses. "I
don't have anything to run in."
"Your sneakers and cut-offs are fine. Com'on, I'm tired of you
being alone." Mike pleaded. "I told
your mom you'd come home tanned, fit,
and rested. The rested part you've
done pretty well. Let's take care of the
other parts now! Please?"
"You're not going to leave me alone until I do, are you?" Philip
pushed himself deeper into the pillows
and squinted at the light filtering
though the closed drape. "OK, I'll
come out in a few minutes. Just us,
right?"
"Sure!" Mike glanced at his other friends and gave them a wink.
"Just us!" He quickly hung up the
phone and turned to the others. "OK,
y'all scatter and join us along
the way, but don't push it!" He watched as
the others quickly disappeared around
him. This had to work! Flip had to
know he wasn't alone out there,
no matter what else he thought.
Philip quietly slowed his pace as they approached the hotel.
Somehow he and Mike had gathered
other runners out for their morning jogs
as well. A few he thought he recognized,
but the others were from
elsewhere. He uncomfortably shied
away as another of the girls they'd
picked up along the way tried to
get his attention again. When they met
Steve and Jenny on their own run
on the beach, he'd almost turned around
immediately but they had just smiled
at him and continued on their way.
Thank God, no one had asked him anything! He was more afraid of
himself, of his reactions, than
of anybody else now, and he didn't want to
ruin the day for Mike. He allowed
himself a slight smile as most of the
others waved their goodbyes. That
wasn't too hard to do.
What was hard was fighting back his automatic defensive posture
when some of the group, male and
female, handed him papers with phone
numbers and promises to see him
later. He'd shyly accepted them, but felt
dishonest about it. He knew he'd
never follow up on any of them! They might
think he was cute, but he knew the
real Philip Nevins inside. They would
never accept the real him, love
who he was. He was still better off alone,
regardless of what Mike said.
"Glad to finally meet you." Philip looked at the hand extended by
the tall dark-haired boy who he
recognized as one of Mike's friends. "My
name's Nicholas but everybody calls
me Nick."
"Philip." He smiled back in the relaxed atmosphere and shook Nick's
hand. "Mike and some of the others
at school call me Flip for shor...." He
stopped then. Why did he say that?
That he didn't try to distance himself
automatically confused him.
"Hey! I'm ready for a swim!" somebody yelled, bringing Philip out
of his thoughts. "Last one in...."
The rest was lost on him as he was
pushed along with the rest of the
crowd he'd been in front of.
"Wait!" Philip yelled as he lost his footing at the edge of the
pool. "I can't swi...."
The cold water hit him suddenly and he inhaled involuntarily as he
was pushed under by the others piling
into the water around him.
Strangely, his sight began to dim
as he struggled for the air he couldn't
reach. He closed his eyes as the
dim sounds of laughter from above echoed
through his mind until they faded
away.
Mike was in a panic, running to the side of the pool. He couldn't
see Flip anywhere!