A Family

By Rory M.

Chapter 5

From the perspective of Liam Arrison

Sometimes I think I’m a masochist.  As bad as things are going now, I took on working the evening news. Nothing but bad things happen on the

evening news, and I’m the schmuck that has to put it all together and broadcast it for the killing of family dinners everywhere.  Today there was a robbery in Morristown, some kid opened fire in a 711 in Langhorne, and that doesn’t even start with the accidents.  It’s funny, I put together the traffic report myself, and 25 minutes later I’m stuck in the same traffic jam. 

I’m tired.  And why the hell hasn’t Noah called me?  That fucking meeting must have ended hours ago.  I hope he’s home.  I don’t want to be alone with his parents tonight.  His mother can be so much like my own sometimes.   I pulled off the Boulevard onto South Hampton, then onto Trevose Road.  I hate the city, but Noah works for it, so we have to live within its borders. Finding the house on the very edge of city limits was luck, but now I regret the commute on the fucking Boulevard every day. And this Construction is going to drive me insane.  To my right the last few town houses were still being constructed.   These, the last and most expensive ones in the development, would cost a pretty penny for the landscaping they’ve put into them alone. The shrubbery, flowerbeds and young trees were all newly planted, it’s a shame that it’s October and these idiots are probably wasting the money. We’re lucky enough to have a backyard with trees, considering it’s in the back of the development, where not all of the previous landscape was bulldozed and then reconstructed.  I’m proud to say we have the most naturally aesthetic property in the neighborhood.  Ahhh, the Explorer is in the driveway.  Maybe he’ll be able to stay home tonight and not at the hospital.  Oh Christ, what am I saying, he needs to be there more than here.  I guess I just miss him.  

“LIIIIIIIAAAAAAM!!!”  I didn’t even get through the threshold before Ava was attacking me with what looked like a paper fish. I scooped her up into my right side as I made my way into the house.  Her legs kicking me in the side and back as I took the fish with the other hand and kissed her on the cheek.  The commute

wasn’t so bad.

“Liam, you’re too late for dinner, but I made you a platter incase you didn’t eat.  Aiden and his grandfatha’ are in the kitchen cleanin’, “ Rose came over

and gave me a kiss on the cheek, probably leaving a print of her very red lips behind.  As I looked around the living room and into the family room, I

realized she had been cleaning. 

“Thanks, ummm, where’s Noah?”

“He’s upstairs taking a rest.  He looks horrible, I told him to go lay down for a bit,” my stomach knotted.  Did he look horrible just because of the last couple of sleepless weeks, or because of whatever the doctors’ had to say today? 

“Do you know how his meeting went?” I asked her, lowering my voice and placing Ava back down on the floor.  She had already lost interest in me after she noticed the TV was on. 

“You’ll have to ask him,” she gave me a small smirk, like she was trying to hide something. I returned a kiss to her cheek and made my way for the stairs.  Slowly, I made my way towards our bedroom, at the end of the hall.  The light isn’t on; maybe he’s really sleeping.  I turned the hall light off and slowly opened

the door, making sure that if he were, I wouldn’t wake him.  The large windows at the opposite side of the room let in a very soft light, illuminating the room, strewn with some papers and articles of clothing.  The bed hadn’t been made in over 2 weeks, just merely slept in, which was rare for either of us.  He still had on a dress shirt and slacks from work, the tie and suit jacket were laid on a chair not far from him.  He looked so tired.  His eyes looked old and dark, even though he was sleeping, and he had the same 3-day-old beard that I probably had as well.  I threw my own tie at the same chair and slid into bed next to him, kicking my shoes off the side.  I just lay there for a few minutes, looking at him.   I was angry that he didn’t call me again, but at the same time just happy he was home.  He didn’t seem to be including me, but things slip his mind when he’s stressed, I shouldn’t be taking this so personally.  He was on his back, his face in my direction towards the door, casting a heavy shadow over his face.  I moved closer, placing my face close to his and my left hand through his dark hair.  I didn’t want to wake him, but at the same time I needed him to tell me what the hell was going on.  I feel like a passenger in our life right now, and it’s got to stop.  I laced my fingers around his hair until he started to move.

“Hun?”

“MMM?” his eyes turned to slits, and a tired smile cracked his lips.

“Hey, sleepy.  How’d that meeting go you were going to call me about?”

“Oh, Hun,” he moved closer into me, cuddling into my chest, “I’m sorry, this afternoon was just a lot to take in.  I was going to call, but I figured I’d wait until after the broadcast, but I fell asleep.”

“That’s not important,” it really wasn’t, it just still stung, “what happened?”

“If his blood counts keep rising the way they are he might be home within a week or two, and he’ll be with us,” did I hear this right? “The doctors think that this would be a healthier environment for him,” he said as he slowly began to waken.

“You mean we could have him here full time?” I asked with a trace of awe. I love the boy, to be sure, and to have kids is something we both love. Having

him here would be work, not least due to his condition. But God, I’d love to have him here with us.

“Yes,” he smiled at me, “full time, every day, all the messes and the hugs that go with him.”

“Maren must be furious, won’t she fight this?” I asked worriedly.

“Maren doesn’t have a leg to stand on.  I don’t want to put it that way, but she knows it, too. I always wanted them here full time, I just never thought it would be, much less under these circumstances,” he paused, closing his eyes and sighing tiredly into my chest, “I wouldn’t put it past her to try and make life difficult, though. She is still very bitter on some days, and still worse on other days.”

“Surely with the doctor’s orders and opinions, the court would back us?”

“Probably, if it came to that, but let’s hope it doesn’t get that nasty. She is his mother and I think she wants what is best for him. Besides, having him full time is a lot easier for us to handle than for her, we have more supports in place for him, more caregivers available, it’s really the best thing for him right now. Besides, it’s not like she can’t see him or something, he’s just not accessible to her any time she wishes,” he replied as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. I moved in behind him and began to knead the tight muscles of his neck.

“He also is probably going to have surgery in a month.”

“Surgery?? Why surgery? I thought that the cancer didn’t spread.  Did they find something?”

“No no no.  They want to put some sort of catheter under his collarbone for chemo, so he won’t have to have an iv started every time we go for out patient.  It’s less painful and more effective, apparently,” he was waking up, his eyes were focusing on me and his speech was less husky.

“Do you think that’s the best thing for him?”

“Do you want to hold him down for an IV every day?”

“Good point,” I laughed, if not I would probably cry, “Do you have to go back to the hospital soon?”  I leaned in and gave him a small kiss.  Not provocative, but hopefully it got the message across.

“Maren is staying the night.  Then her sister is coming tomorrow, so I technically don’t have to go back until later tomorrow afternoon. I was hoping that I could go to Aiden’s soccer game. But now…I’m kind of hungry,” he must have smelled the same scent of baked ziti that I did. I love it when Rose cooks.

We headed downstairs together to eat. Noah, though he’s a great guy, cannot cook. His mother on the other hand, is one of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of experiencing for free. She’s also one of those women who will pile a huge plate in front of you and make you eat it all, and then gets offended when you don’t go for seconds. So, when I entered the kitchen, I wasn’t surprised to see two huge plates (more like platters) of ziti, bread and string beans perfectly wrapped in a perfect sheath of plastic.

“Ahhh…he’s awake,” Rose smiled as she entered the kitchen, “Now eat before it gets too cold,” she poured two glasses of iced tea for us without request and left to join the kids again in the living room. Noah had a big grin on his face as he forked into his food; I hadn’t seen that smile in weeks. We chatted about nothing in particular, did the dishes together and then joined the rest of the family in watching a movie.

Ava and her brother fought over the movie selection, which basically ended up being one of the three Disney movies they always end up watching. Ava is was sleeping in my lap when Phil and Rose called it a night and head out to their hotel. We have room for them, but I think they like more privacy than can be provided for them in our town house…meaning Ava likes to crawl into bed with you at 5 in the morning.

I carried Ava up the stairs to her bedroom, her body a complete dead weight, not that she’s heavier than 40 pounds. Aiden and his father went off to his bedroom. The kid was stubborn, but he’s usually good about going to bed, unlike the twins, well…when they aren’t exhausted. I laid Ava’s limp body into her purple sheets, not remotely disturbing her sleeping pattern. Swiping the black locks of hair from her face, I kissed her cherub like cheeks and left the room, meeting Noah in the hall after shutting Aiden’s door. The lighting fixture in the ceiling mercilessly brought out the hollows under his eyes and the pallor of his entire face.

“Bed?” he looked at me with a question, but his rhetoric said everything; he was going to collapse soon without more than 3 hours of sleep a day. I slid my hand behind his shoulders and started walking towards our bedroom. He shrunk back into my touch, sighing and closing his eyes as we walked into the room. Neither of us really spoke as we undressed, each taking to their respective sides of the bed, disrobing, and eventually crawling in. When I hit the pillow I realized how tired I actually was. My whole body was tense and aching, and the dull headache that I had learned to ignore throbbed against my temple. Noah entered the bed with almost a thump. It was a non-energetic thud, slowly making his way under the comforter and over to me. We embraced, almost fully with his head under my chin, and our limbs completely entwined within seconds. It was the closest we had been since this had started. This was possibly the first night where we both actually slept in the same room. His body seemed colder than I remembered, or maybe thinner. We were probably both asleep within minutes.

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“Why does she yell so much? Boy, I tell yah some of these mothers are such yentas.”

“Hey mom, they can also hear us,” Noah half laughed at his mother’s comments on the ridiculous parents at the Aiden’s soccer game. It was a bit windy, but all in all pleasant for late October. Ava wouldn’t leave Phil alone, leaving myself, Noah and his mother to pay more attention to the game. The whole day had been very slow like this, but comfortable. It seemed like we were almost getting into a routine again, balancing hectic schedules, activities…and now hospital visits, tests and appointments.

Maren was even having a more pleasant day when we brought her breakfast at the hospital this morning. She even agreed to stay for the second night in a row. Fine by me, considering that Noah was there twice as often as her, though I feel that since the news yesterday she’s trying to maintain a more credible composure to the staff, or maybe for a future court if this custody issue gets ugly. But for today, we’re all getting a chance to breathe it seems. Everyone slept last night, including Avery, Noah’s parents have been a big help, and the kids even seem to be coping well. We’ll get through this…at least today.

“COME ON, AIDEN! GET AROUND HIM, GET AROUND HIM!” Noah snaps me out of my thoughts as Aiden takes possession of the ball, “Shi…..” he bit his word off halfway through, remembering we were surrounded by soccer mom’s and 8 year olds.

“Noah, what does it matter if he gets the ball…he plays good!” Rose hated sports parents, apparently when Noah was a child there was a bad little league spat that got ugly. She barely came to the game today, but Aiden begged his grandmother until she gave up.

“Mom, I’m just being supportive.”

“No need to yell how to play to him. He’s the one with the uniform on.”

“Mom, relax! I didn’t say anything to him, he’s fine.”

“Oi. I’m surprised with you, Noah. Arguing with your motha in public like that. Dahling, you should be ashamed.” The long island accent was coming out with her dramatic speech. I sat on, watching the game, as did Phil. This wouldn’t lead to anything, but the two argued like old women, it never failed. Noah sat through the rest of the game not making comments from the stands, grudgingly trying to appease his mother. Their interaction amazed me.

My own family couldn’t have discourse like that without escalation. But then again, they would never be at a sporting event to support a family member, so playing the scenario is far fetched I suppose. I haven’t spoken with my family on a civil level for 4 years, since I came out. Even before then it wasn’t a picture perfect scene. My parents were slobs, didn’t really care about what myself or sister did, as long as we didn’t get into trouble or bother them for money or rides. Really fun walking to practice from 3 miles away because your mom won’t drive you during General Hospital…not even the equipment you had on you. When I got out of college and got into producing, the first thing they wanted to know was how much I made, not how it was going, what I was doing or if I was enjoying it, but how much I was making. Then slowly they asked for money, saying it’s the right thing for a son to do. Considering I put myself through school and taught myself to be a respectable human being, it didn’t happen, and ever since I haven’t been to that many gatherings.

So when I met Noah’s kids for the first time, and then his parents, it was a new experience for me. Within the last year I’ve felt like a part of this family, something I never had with my own, and until now couldn’t really imagine. I find myself watching their interactions closely, their little fights and what they talk about. I guess I’m amused. I just hope to be able to experience it for a long time.

Aiden’s team lost the game, so the trip home was awkward, with both him and his father miffed about the battles they had lost on the field. Ava went home with Rose and Phil, taking the opportunity to be the only child getting attention from them.

“You and your mother are funny.”

“My MOTHER is over sensitive. She hates sporting events and reads too many of those readers digest horror stories about violent parents at games.”

“Were you going to beat someone up, Dad?!?!” suddenly Aiden’s attention was peaked from the backseat.

“No, I wasn’t going to fight anyone, I didn’t even get angry. Your grandmother just doesn’t like yelling at the field.”

“Awwww…you should have beat someone up, that would have been cool.”

“How would that be cool, Aid? That’s not the type of entertainment that we were there for. Besides, fighting doesn’t solve anything, and you would have been embarrassed.”

“Daaaaad, I was kidding….jeeeesh. You always take me seriously,” he rolled his eyes dramatically in the backseat.

“Trust me, some day you’ll be screaming at me that I never take you seriously,” this clearly went over Aiden’s head, but I found it amusing, all the same. I felt I had to put an end to the banter anyway.

“Besides, your father can’t fight,” this brought both of them to laughter, which was good, because I saw where that was going, and didn’t need it to get there. The car settled into a comfortable silence.

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“What’s this about Chucky Cheese?” Phil announced with flapping hands as we all headed into the house. Of course this got the reaction that he wanted, Ava spun around on her heals and started to squeal as Aiden immediately started his repeated asking “can we go Grandpa, please?!”

I couldn’t handle a restaurant full of bad food and screaming rowdy kids. Noah’s face blanched as we had the same thought.

“Dad, I don’t know…It’s been a long week, I don’t…”

“Nonsense, we’ll take them ourselves, no one wants you two oldies to come anyway, Dahling,” Rose gave a big smile and a wink as the kids burst out in another wave of excitement. “Aiden, go get cleaned up, and make sure to wear old clothing, nothing nice. Those places are so dirty, no need to get schmutzed. Ava, you go change, too.”

This all took place as we made our way in from the driveway. By the time the front door was open, the kids dashed by all of us and were up the stairs in no time.

“Mom, are you sure about this? They’re quite a handful at a place like that.”

“Don’t worry about it. We took all of them last time and made it out alive,” her normal wit had struck an unintentional chord with all four of us at that moment. The absence of Avery was felt very closely, but at that moment I felt guilty that he wasn’t part of any of this. No sooner did we all sink into this though, then she snapped us back out. “Besides, you two look like you need to get some things done without these guys around,” and that was that, the kids came tumbling back down the stairs, Aide pulling a shirt on as he came. No, no doubt that his dirty soccer uniform and cleats were in a heap on the floor upstairs. Then they were out the door and into the Lincoln town Town Ccar before Noah or I realized that we truly were alone.

“Maybe I should go to the hospital…” Noah was already anxious for something to do, with the lack of free time during the last few weeks, when a quiet moment does arise, you have no idea what to do with yourself, except find even more to do.

“No, we just called, he’s fine. You need a break, and this is the only moment we’ll probably have,” I wasn’t going to give him up that easily. Selfish I am, but sometimes it’s for his own good that I’m this way. He didn’t argue much.

Noah sat down on the couch and stared around the room blankly, still not knowing what to do with himself, which he’s never really been good with. I sat down next to him on the couch and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him into me. I haven’t truly been able to feel anything for it seems like forever. I’ve been too tired and all over the place to realize it, or absorb it. But as he relaxed into my side, it all came rushing back to me, as if my senses were returning after shell shock. Everything came back to me like a ton of bricks, and my body shuddered from the contract. It wasn’t lustful, I…I don’t really know what it was, but a relief. I felt what I truly was missing. I didn’t feel detached from Avery or the kids or anything that was going on. I realized I was bitching about it, and stressing, but at this moment, I realized my detachment from Noah was truly the problem, but that detachment was over as he laid his head on my should and nuzzled my neck.

“MMM...I was going to ask if you wanted to find something to eat, but I could stay here for a while,” he lulled into my neck. We were both staring at the floor in front of the couch, slowly entwining more and more.

“I…could wait a while, maybe crash in front of a movie? Those crappy pretzels at the game could hold me over.”

“Yeah, we could do a movie, or watch the news….” I jabbed him in the ribs for that one. He knew I hated to watch the news when I was home. That’s all I did all day and couldn’t handle watching the crap I helped produce and feed to the mass public. He chuckled as he left my arms and went to find the remote and a DVD. I felt extremely cold as I settled back into the couch, only momentarily. I took off my shoes and lay down in the oversized pillow that was our couch. I never liked it except for nights like this, when both of us and a kid or two could lay down comfortable in front of the tube. We settled on Intacto, a Spanish import Noah had picked up a few months ago that we never got around to watching, because well, it was the last thing on our mind. Subtitles weren’t exactly the greatest idea, but then I guess we weren’t really going to pay attention to it anyway.

Noah rejoined me on the sofa, and we pulled a throw over ourselves and settled into each other. The film seemed interesting, but after 20 minutes I must have lost interest and lulled off. The smell of Noah’s hair and his warmth were enough. I felt completely contented just being that close with him, and any sleep was good sleep. I woke sharply to the sound of Noah’s cell phone going off on the coffee table in front of us. The movie was still on, but the room’ which was once lit with light from the setting sun,light was now dark, except for the glow of the television. Noah must have drifted off, too, because he startled himself almost completely off the couch before rationalizing where his phone could be. He picked it up and groggily answered it.

“Hey…mom, is something wrong? Oh, ok…… Yeah, she tends to hate the ball pit anyway….So you guys are headed back? A movie, ehhh? You spoil those kids. No Harry Potter isn’t a violent movie, Aide wasn’t lying, they’re allowed to go see it, they saw the first one. Yeah, have fun, and thank you mom, I really appreciate you doing this for the kids, we both do. Yes, love you too, see you this evening,” he hung up the phone and laid back down onto the couch. “They’re going to go see the Harry Potter sequel; I didn’t realize it was out already.”

“You’re not up with what’s going on,” I nuzzled his neck as I took a shot at his pop culture ego. He was always trying to be up with everything current, I think he was afraid of being old, or looking not cool to the kids, Aiden especially. It was cute, though fun to point out when he wasn’t up to speed. The second Harry Potter film had recently been released, and all three of the kids were looking forward to it. , mMy stomach twanged twinged thinking about Avery missing it, but then I guess I’ll take him myself when he’s out of the hospital. That will be soon enough, I hope.

“Yeah…guess not,” he cuddled into my neck away from the movie, which looked like it was winding up. “How long was I asleep?”

“I don’t know, how long was I out,” he found this amuzing amusing and laughed into my chest, then seemed to laugh into my neck, before it turned into light kissing. I didn’t realize what was going on until I was face to face with him, and that lasted only momentarily as we slid closer together and started to lightly kiss.

Maybe I wasn’t expecting it, or maybe I was overly anticipating it, but my head started to swim with each touch he gave me as we moved together. Noah seemed to know more of what he wanted than I did, I more or less wanted him, and was just happy that we had found a moment. Noah snapped me out of my stupor soon enough, and we maneuvered ourselves into a synchronized tangle on our worn in, oversized couch. Noah settled over me, every now and again whispering something to me, kissing me. He’d bite my earlobe at all the right times, which he new all too well was one of my most sensitive spots. Soon enough we settled back into the couch. I felt slightly guilty about my release, but my quarry about the kids and Noah’s parents and everything else that I should have been thinking about seemed at a comfortable distance, as Noah seemed to do himself. I guess this was for our own sanity.

We both lulled back out for a while, until realizing that movies don’t last forever and we should get something done before the 4 of them came home. Noah started in on the stacks of bills, cards and miscellaneous other mailings that have been ignored over the week. I got laundry together from the kids’ rooms. There wasn’t much, Rose had been on top of things I guess. But Aiden’s uniform had started to ferment and there was always something in our own room. Before we knew it, Noah’s parents came back, Aiden reeling about the movie, and Ava in Phil’s arms, having to be carried unconscious to bed for the second night in a row. Phil and Rose didn’t stay too long after I got Avery ready and into bed, and we settled in ourselves.

I was going to spend the morning with Avery, and planned to be there well before his first blood test at 9 am. He had surgery scheduled for Wednesday, which was the forecast for the rest of our week. The actual thought of surgery had set into Noah earlier when explaining it to his parents, and I could now see the weariness return to his face that had been absent all day. We went to bed talking about it, but not in great detail. I didn’t want his anxiety up when he had to sleep; because this would be the last time he’d have the opportunity for a couple days to have a full night. He settled in behind me, wrapping himself to my back. I don’t think either of us actually fell asleep that easily, though. I could tell he was tense, though quiet, and I just waited for his breathing to slow, or maybe he was waiting for me to do the same. Either way, I woke the next morning to him staring at the ceiling, to a the start of another week.

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