Part 6

Note: All Thai words and phrases have been spelled so that readers may pronounce
them correctly. Other transliteration methods may vary.

*******

James was the first to break the intense scrutiny of each other. He'd never actually tried to
"memorize' somebody while they knew he was doing it. He'd certainly never tried it when that
somebody was doing the same thing to him!

But as astonishing as this was, James still was anxious about what to do next. They'd been
sitting there on the sidewalk for what seemed like forever. He looked at his Swatch, the black
one he'd gotten for Christmas, with the insides all on view. It was only 3:00 PM? They'd been
here together for only 15 minutes or so!

Sakjai looked down at the watch, too. But he was just inspecting it. He didn't care what time it
was. He didn't really remember what time he'd left school, either. Everything "before James"
felt like a dream from some dark night a long time ago.

James looked up at Sakjai again. Grinned kind of foolish like, he just couldn't help it, and this
was such a delicious feeling!

"So, what do we do, now, Sakjai." He carefully refrained from asking it as a question. James
worried about getting the proper tone correctly every time. He'd figure out how to ask him a
question later!

"Do, James? What do you mean?" Very softly, but just being naturally quiet now.

James loved his new name so much; it distracted him for a second.

"Ummm, like, we can't just sit here on the sidewalk all day, right?"

"Oh..." Sakjai looked around him again, reminding himself that there was a bigger world they
were a part of.

"Up to you, James. What do you... sorry, what would you like to do now?" Getting the
grammar correct again.

The first thing that popped into James' thoughts was planting a big smooch on those wonderful
lips over there. That's exactly what he wanted to do right now! He felt his dick twitch in his
Levi's, too.

Ummm. Can't do THAT!

"Ok... Up to me, huh? Well, how's about me helping you carry your books an stuff to your
house? That way you can show me where it is."

James already knew very well where that house was. He'd walked on by it many times, as
Sakjai had gone toward the front door as he got there. But he didn't want to admit that to Sakjai!

"Errr... MY house? Will you stay with me? Nobody's there..." As he said this, Sakjai glanced
down at the arm he was gripping. The same one that he'd been holding onto all the time since
he'd fainted.

"Sure, I can stay a little bit, but I gotta get home too. My Mom will wonder where I am in
another couple hours." The last thing James wanted was to leave Sakjai, but the natural realities
of kids and parents had to be dealt with, didn't they?

"James, may I come to your home with you, please? I do not want to go to that house now. I
cannot..."

"Yeah, that would be GREAT! I really wanna get to know you better, man..." As he spoke, he
was definitely aware of the double meaning of what he'd just said. That's why he was blushing
again...

"Thank you!!" Sakjai said with great intensity and relief. "Is your home near-by, James?"

"Yup. One more street up, first one on the left corner. Just opposite your street."

Then inside himself, he began to panic! What did you just say, you moron?!! You just blew it
BIG time!!

But Sakjai didn't seem to notice. He only knew that he could keep holding onto James.

"Yes. We can go to your home." And smiled right into James's eyes...

"Yeah, we sure can, man. But doncha need to let your Mom or somebody know where you're
gonna be?"

"No. My mother lives in Thailand. I am living at the home of my `Tah-ah-loong' and she is
away in New York City. I am not sure when she will return. Nancy will go home at 5:00."

"The home of your tar... what?" James was lost again. "And who's Nancy? I thought you said
there was nobody at your place now?"

"'Tah-ah-loong' means that she is the sister of my father. What do you call this relative in
English?"

"Aunt. She's your aunt, huh?"

"Yes. And Nancy is my---aunt--- aunt's `maeh-bahn'. Oh, sorry, Nancy is the maid."

Maid? James was impressed! He'd never met anybody with maids.

"You really gotta maid?!"

"Yes, of course. But she is really the maid of my aunt. Oh, I DO know this English word. We
call it `auntie'."

"Isn't she your maid, too, if you live in the same house?"

"No, not really... it is not my home, it is the house of my auntie." Sakjai wasn't looking very
happy about this turn of the conversation, James could tell that.

Time to change the subject, there dude....

"So you get ta do what you want, then? Wow, man, that's so cool!"

"Errr. Perhaps... Do you really think so?"

That hadn't perked him up any. Move it along then, Jimmy old man...

It's James. Shut up!

Huh, James thought. Nothing else reverberating around in his head after that for a change. That
was REALLY cool!

"Ok, then. We'll get goin. Let's get onto our feet, and I'll help ya with the books and stuff,
alright?"

"Yes, James. But I can hold on the same, yes? You said...." He needed to know that nothing
would change as they moved from the only place they had ever been together before.

"Yeah, sure thing, man. I like it when you hold onto me!" Oh shit, shit, shit. Why not go on
and tell him you're gay, too, idiot...

But Sakjai just said, "Really? Khun shawp, lah? Oh sorry, you like?"

YES! Sakjai looks pleased! Thank God he doesn't mind my pervy gay mind here!

"Yeah. I do. Like it, I mean. You hold on as much as you need to!" Like maybe forever,
please God....

There were no more words for a few seconds.

It seemed that both boys started to get up and off the sidewalk sort of in unison. Slow and
creaky like. A couple of stiff old men, standing after being too long in one position. And neither
one let go of each other's arm, so they only had two between them to get up with.

They also managed to keep their eyes locked together during the whole process, re-assuring each
other.

And then they were standing, facing each other. Armholds turned into holding hands.

James looked down at the books and papers all around them. So did Sakjai.

"Uh, look, Sakjai, I got my backpack here someplace. We can put all this stuff in that, Ok?"

"Backpack? You mean a book bag? Very good idea."

James looked around on the ground where they'd just been. Nothing. Where the hell...? Then
he looked across the small street, and saw the backpack lying on the opposite sidewalk. He
didn't even remember flinging it out of his hands a few minutes ago!

"I see it right over there, Sakjai. I'm gonna go and get it. I'll just be a sec."

And without thinking anything of it, he let go of Sakjai's hand, and was trotting across the street.
As he reached the other sidewalk, he heard Sakjai crying out...

"JAAAAMES!!!" He wailed it loud as a siren, panic setting in as he found himself suddenly all
alone. Sakjai began to loose his balance, swaying like he might fall again.

In less time then it takes to say it; James reached down, grabbed his backpack and streaked to
Sakjai's side. He grabbed the now ashen-faced youth as he got there. Put his arm around
Sakjai's shoulders, and allowed the other's body to sag into his own a bit. Which wasn't easy,
since the Thai boy was a couple of inches taller than he was, actually.

That hadn't mattered so much when they'd been sitting.

But Sakjai stabilized himself against the sturdy frame of his new friend James. Hadn't James
realized that he was necessary, now? His physical presence was necessary for Sakjai even to
keep on his feet.

But how could James possibly be aware of being necessary to another person's well-being? And
even if he was told that he was necessary, how could he actually believe that it was true? James
believed so many other things, and they all contradicted the ability to be needed.

All James knew about was what he needed. That, and how little he believed he'd get those needs
met.

"James!! James. Please do not do that anymore. I... I need to hold on... I am sorry..."

"No, no, don't be sorry, bud. I shoulda remembered. I mean, I just went off, I didn't think... I'M
the one that's sorry. Really, man. Are you alright?"

"Yes. Now I can stand. You are here again. I need you..." The pair had locked their arms side
by side now. Kind of like formal escorts who were going to march each other down the aisle at a
wedding or something.

James said, "Look Sakjai, I'm gonna pick up these books now, and put em inta the backpack.
Ok?" He guessed that he'd better warn him, no sudden moves like that last one for a while.

The Thai youth looked down at the texts and notebooks strewn around them. "I can help you."

"If you're sure..."

"Of course. No problem..."

They leaned down together, one handedly gathering the papers and books and school supplies
into the backpack.

Sakjai didn't keel over, or anything.

That's good news, thought Jimmy. Cuz I can't just pick him up and carry him home in my arms,
can I?

Good thought, though, bud. What an idea! Way cool!

Holding hands, the two boys accomplished the task. The backpack was bulging to its limit, but
everything fit, just barely.

James grabbed the straps of the now heavily laden backpack, and the two stood up together.

"Ok, ya ready to get movin?"

Sakjai nodded in the affirmative, looking determined although he was also emotionally
exhausted.

The backpack slung over his left shoulder, and holding Sakjai's left hand with his right, they set
off. Slowly, but surely.

Their upper bodies looked glued together as they walked down the street and turned left onto
Baldwin Avenue. Glued together because Sakjai wanted the extra support. And because James
couldn't imagine wanting it any other way anyhow.

They arrived at the front of James's home. Single floor, extra long and L-shaped on the near
end. The inviting looking house had two enormous red maple trees in front, and carefully
manicured shrubbery in the front, by the sidewalk leading to the right from the double-wide
driveway.

The house spread out over two building lots, actually. It had an expansive side lawn, as it was
right on the corner of the two streets. White siding, black shutters. Garage door was open onto a
doublewide garage, no cars inside yet at this hour. James led Sakjai into the garage, all the usual
lawn equipment stacked neatly around the sides. He'd seen it a million times, and Sakjai was
just paying attention to holding on. Sweating too, for the first time in this cool climate. He was
feeling very tired now.

James led him up the three little steps to the door, dug his keys out of his Levi's, and opened the
door. They were now standing in the dining room. Sakjai looked around him, noting the dark
wood of the table and six chairs, the antique side table and brass lamp and then the doorway into
the next room. Oh, the kitchen. To their left, down one carpeted step, was a comfortable room
with stuffed furniture and end tables. Straight in front of them was a small half-bathroom, no tub
or shower, just the essential facilities.

James nodded left, where Sakjai was looking now, and said, "The family room. The TV and
stuff is in there. Come on, I'll show ya around..."

Sakjai resisted moving further into the dining room, although they had been able to close the
door to the garage behind them.

"What?" James asked, a bit of surprise in his voice, as he was brought up short, as the Thai
youth didn't budge.

Sakjai said nothing, but pried his school loafers off his feet, using the toes of one foot to hold the
heel of the other shoe. It was a very natural motion for him. He pushed them neatly towards the
left side of the doorway behind him, now standing in his dark colored socks. And nodding
expectantly down at James's still-shod feet.

"Oh, the shoes? Ok, but my feet might stink or something." He put the bookbag down on the
dining chair nearest him, and leaned over to untie the laces of his school Adida's. He shoved
them over next to Sakjai's loafers. The loafers were longer.

Yep, short stocky feet, too, dude...

"It is always most polite to take off the shoes inside every house, right? But it is more proper to
wear them in school, so many dirty floors, chai mai?"

"In Thailand, you don't ever wear shoes inside the house? Cool! But what's `chai mai?' mean?"

"Errr... It means the same as when you say `Right?'"

"Cool! Maybe you can teach me some Thai, chai mai?" Big grins now, on both faces.

As he said it, he led Sakjai by the hand down the carpeted step into the family room.

"Chai, krap. Chai dai!" (`I surely can!')

"Um, here, let's sit on the couch, Ok?" Sakjai smiled and sat down in the middle of the large
sofa, as close to where James had placed himself as he could. The boys turned so they could
look at each other, lower legs touching as they had on the sidewalk, hands held together on their
lap again.

James asked, "What's with this `crop' thing you keep saying?"

"Oh! That means `sir' or `madam' or `miss'. This is the most polite Thai expression. Thai
people use this word at the end of sentences when they are speaking with others. Especially with
people older or having more---alai nah?--- having more importance than you do."

"You've been calling me `sir'?! Ya don't have ta do that, man..."

"Before now, I had to. To be polite. Because I did not know you. But now maybe I can stop.
If we are friends, friends do not have to be so polite with each other."

"Friends, then. Way better, for sure! Ummm... chai, krap?" James was trying out the Thai he'd
just learned.

Sakjai beamed. "Friends!"

The conversation came to a halt momentarily, as the boys self-consciously considered what
they'd just said.

James suddenly became aware that he was supposed to be acting the host in this situation.

"Do you have ta go?" James asked, nodding his head towards the bathroom door they could see
from the couch.

"No, thank you..."

"How about a Coke or some juice or a drink of water or something?"

"Are you going to have something, James?"

James could see immediately that if he had a drink, then Sakjai would have one. But he
wouldn't if James didn't. Hmmm. Should he or shouldn't he...

"Ok, yeah, I'm kinda thirsty. I'm gonna have a Coke. How about you?"

"Could I please have a drink of water?" Sakjai suddenly realized how thirsty he was.

"The fridge is in the kitchen. We'll go get it." James wasn't about to forget about leaving Sakjai
alone again, even for a minute. No crises here inside the house please, God!

"Wanna see my room? We can take our drinks in there if ya want."

"Certainly! Where is it?"

"That way..." pointing back through the dining room.

James led his newly declared friend by the hand back through the dining room, grabbing the
backpack with his other hand as they went by where it lay on the floor next to the shoes.
James led them left toward the kitchen. That room was large and cheerful looking, with a dinette
set on one side, with places for 3 people.

Going to the large double-doored refrigerator, James opened it using the hand that was holding
Sakjai's. They both kind of opened the fridge together.

"My hands are a little busy here, Sakjai..." James pointed to the backpack in one hand and
Sakjai's in the other.

"Could ya get the drinks for us?" Sakjai snaked his arm through James, so he wouldn't lose that
necessary body contact, and had both hands free to take the cold Coke and Perrier water out of
the fridge. They nudged the door shut with their joined elbows, grinned at each other, and left
the kitchen arm in arm.

They turned to the left this time, instead of going back to the dining room, and found themselves
in a somewhat more formal living room. The mantle over the fireplace held various knickknacks
and family photos. The furniture was more wooden, less comfortable looking. Gracious, but not
a place for relaxing.

But Sakjai noticed that the whole place seemed more alive than his auntie's house. Auntie's was
very proper, full of beautiful things. But it seemed sterile to him, more like a museum. Even
this room, obviously reserved for entertaining outsiders, seemed more like a home. It seemed
lived in, occupied. Auntie's place lacked that warmth.

Through the living room, Persian carpets over gleaming hard wood floors, James led Sakjai.
Towards another doorway at the other end of the room.

Pointing right as they walked through the living room, James said, "Front Door."

Then they came to a long shadowy hallway with no natural light. There were four doors spaced
far apart, two on each side of the hall, facing each other. James led Sakjai into the hallway,
pointing to the first door on the left.

"My sister Chris's room, but she's away at university down in the city. Dad uses it for a study.
There's a desk and bookshelves in there with her bed. She comes home on weekends
sometimes."

Pointing to the door immediately to his right, he said, "The big bathroom. What's that in Thai?"
and smiled at Sakjai.

"Hong-nahm." Grinning himself.

"What, no `krap' already?" and raised his eyebrows, joking.

"No! Not necessary now, pen puen-gahn, chai mai?" Looking self-satisfied.

"Poo-en what? Come on, this isn't fair!"

"Puen-gahn. Not `poo-en' . We are friends. Chai mai?"

"Oh, I get it. Puen-gahn chai mai!"

"Not correct, James. `Puen-gahn, chai' is what you want to say. `Chai mai' makes it a question,
and not a statement."

Jeez, so much to remember! Ok, try that again.

"Ok, puen-gahn, chai mai?"

"Chai! Puen, ching ching! That means 100% sure!"

James pointed to the other door on the left, and said "The parents. They have their own ba-no,
what is that word? They have their own `hong-nahm'. Right?"

"100% correct! Very smart student!" They grinned at each other again, as they had become so
used to doing.

"Ok, Sakjai, this last door on the right is, ta-daa, my room. No private hong-nahm, tho."

James opened the door awkwardly using the hand that also held the backpack. Trying to gesture
grandly for Sakjai to enter, James followed immediately behind. He had to. They had never
stopped holding hands, of course.

James nudged the door shut behind them, pushing against it with his hip, and the hallway was
empty and quiet once more.

_________________________________________________End of "Holding On For Dear Life"
Part 6