Part 3

NOTE: All Thai words and phrases are spelled so the reader may pronounce them correctly.
Standard transliteration methods may vary.

_______________________________________________________________________

Jimmy was trying to be inconspicuous, and having a problem doing it. He was following
Mr.HOT, but Mr. HOT was walking even slower than before. If that were possible...

So Jimmy was trying to loiter along behind. At an even slower pace than the boy, who was
already pretty snail-paced.

Very interesting lawn you have here, lady. Yep, one of the nicest lawns and hedges I've ever
come across. What am I doing looking at your lawn? Ummm. I'm just the town's official lawn
and hedge inspector.

What? Am I following that boy over there, ma'am? What boy do ya mean? Oh, yeah, there is
somebody over there, now that ya mention it. No, certainly not following him! Just doin my
job, ma'am. Inspecting the lawn. It's perfect. So I'll just be moving along now. Lots of lawns
on the list today. Yes, ma'am...

And then Jimmy had moved down the street at a somewhat more normal pace.

And then he was startled to see that he had drawn even with the boy. He looked across the street
slightly ahead of him, where the boy had always been before. And the boy was nowhere to be
seen!

He started to look around, hoping against hope that Mr. HOT hadn't gone around a corner and
disappeared sometime in the past 15 seconds.

Oh, shit. Right there, right across from me. Don't look right at him!

Oh, God. Can I stop and back up without him noticing anything strange?

Wait a minute. He's stopped walking.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Jimmy was trying to become invisible again. The boy simply cannot have noticed him
following.

This ISN'T happening to me, it isn't, it can't be...

Out of the corner of his eye, Jimmy glanced across the street at the other boy, not 15 feet away
from him now. The youth was just standing there. Looking at.... what?

Jimmy focused in the direction of Mr. Hot's gaze. Nothing there. Well, nothing going on over
there. Lots of lawns and hedges, but no people, no activity.

Jimmy looked at the boy again. He risked a bit more than a sideways glance this time.
Evidently he hadn't been noticed.

The kid's just standing there. In the middle of the sidewalk. Arms full of books. Not doing
anything.

Oh, shit. SHIT! He's just dropped all his books. They're scattered around his feet, in front of
him. He's sort of swaying. Is he OK?

Fuck ME!! He just sat down!

No, he didn't. That wasn't a boy deciding to sit down. He's sorta collapsed or something. Like
he couldn't stay on his feet.

This isn't good. Not good. What should I do??

Go over there. Go over and ask him if he needs help.

NO! Can't do that!! What if he's really just sitting there for some good reason? What if he saw
me following, and now he's just waiting for me to go over there, and then he's gonna tell me off
sure as shit?

Go now, shut the fuck up, you asshole. He's sick or something. He needs help. MOVE YER
ASS!!!

It's a very good thing that there weren't any cars on the street. Jimmy looked in neither
direction, so intent he was on the other boy and making himself go to him. He went like a shot
out of a cannon, actually.

Then, real sudden like, he was there. Standing in front of the boy of his obsessions. Looking
down at him. His chest heaving like he's run a mile to get there

Well, what's Mr. Hot gonna say? He musta seen me now!

Jimmy's heart was pounding in his chest and at the same time it was blocking his attempts to
breathe somehow. He gulped.

Definitely don't faint in front of him. Very bad first impression.

What's he doing?

Nothing.

Not moving at all. Sitting there, both feet kind off to the right behind him, leaning on his left
arm.

He's looking at me!

No, not looking at me. Looking through me.

What is this shit?

"Ummm. Hello?"

Brilliant, asshole. Very articulate.

Shut up! What's he doing?

Nothing. Not even a blink of those gorgeous eyes.

"Hello? Are you OK?"

Jee-SUS, Mary, and Joseph! It's obvious he isn't OK!

Shut the fuck UP! What'd he say?

..............Nothing.

This is definitely bad...

Jimmy looked around him, feeling guilty of some sin for just being there with this guy.

Nope, nobody was looking. So we'll all just pretend that this is normal, shall we? Just two
teenagers in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of abso-fuckin-lutely nowhere.

Shut up, will ya for Christ sake!! He needs help, here.

Right.

Jimmy knelt down in front of Mr. Hot, crouching on the balls of his feet.

"Hi. You OK?" He tried to smile and look friendly. But mostly, he was afraid.

Still nothing. Staring just to my left.

No, not staring exactly. What was this?

He waved his hand a bit, just from his elbow, in front of the boy's face. Wanna get his attention,
I DON'T want to startle the guy.

"Hello??"

The eyes never wavered from some fixed point, over there somewhere. Pretty far off, looks like.

Jimmy lowered himself awkwardly, and found himself sitting. His legs crossed in front of him,
Indian-style.

Jimmy wasn't talking to himself anymore. Just trying to make contact with the boy, across the
space of about one foot. That tiny distance was pretty much covered by school texts and
notebooks, scattered helter-skelter between them.

Talking to the boy wasn't getting him very far. Without being self-conscious for perhaps the
first time ever, he gently and very bravely reached his hand out and touched the boy's knee.

Not even a flinch. Not a blink.

Jimmy rubbed the knee. Just little circling movements of his fingers on the khaki material of the
pants.

The feeling was amazing. He tried not to think about it. Gotta focus on the boy. What does he
need?

Jimmy continued to move his hand on the boy's knee. His touch was butterfly soft.

"Um. I want to help you. OK?"

What was that!? The boy had moved!

Well, not really moved. Breathed out more forcefully, kind of a sigh.

Jimmy noticed that his own hand had stopped moving on the boy's knee.

"Look, I really want to help. I really do!"

The boy was gasping all of a sudden. Kind of like he'd been under water for too long, and
gulping air as he surfaced.

"OK, it's OK. Everything will be OK. I'm right here. I want to help."

The boy continued to gulp for air, and looked like he was about to fall over. Onto his side,
where he'd been using the one arm to prop himself up. He looked pale, kind of sweaty.

"Oh shit. Don't..."

Jimmy found himself up and over next to the boy, very quickly sitting next to him on the boy's
left side. Then the boy's upper body was leaning on him all of a sudden. And Jimmy had
managed all that without breaking contact with the boy's knee.

"OK. Calm down. Take another breath. Just breathe easy. I'm right here. I'm gonna help."

Jimmy had to change hands on that knee. He was kind of twisted out of his natural shape. As he
switched his hand, he put his arm around the boy's shoulder. Supporting the boy's weight
better. It also felt MUCH better to him!!

"OK. It'll be OK. Hold on. Just hold on a minute. I'll think of something..."

The boy stopped gasping like a fish out of water. Jimmy noticed that immediately. The boy's
breathing wasn't so noticeable any more. Just in and out more normally again.

Thank God for that!

Jimmy squeezed tighter on the boy's shoulder. The boy had also stopped shaking.

Funny, Jimmy thought. I didn't notice that he was shaking until just now. He grabbed onto the
boy's leg, not just resting his hand on the knee.

"OK? How ya doing, bud? Hold on, hold on, it'll be OK..."

Suddenly Jimmy felt the boy's eyes on him. This incredibly wonderful feeling boy had lifted his
body and turned his head, so that he was looking in the direction of Jimmy's face.

"What?" Jimmy was all of a sudden jangled nerve endings. The "what" was the only thing he
could get out of his mouth right then.

And then Jimmy blinked and looked away for a moment. He wasn't used to looking so intensely
at somebody when the guy might actually be aware of being stared at.

And so he missed the first word the boy ever said to him. Which was:

"Pardon?"

The boy spoke. To Jimmy, the word had sounded like two distinct sounds: "Par---don?"

Jimmy was at a loss. He turned himself slightly so that he could maintain body contact with the
boy, and looked into the boy's eyes again. Such beautiful eyes.

As he gazed into those gleaming black eyes, Jimmy's eyebrows arched a little, asking a question
just by his body language. He was confused.

The boy spoke again. Looking right at him, aware now of Jimmy's presence.

"I..." the boy cleared his throat and tried to begin again.

"I can... I can hold on?" Voice soft as a bird's feather on the wind. Jimmy had to really listen in
order to hear, the voice was so hushed.

But Jimmy still didn't get it. He had heard the question. He just didn't know what the boy
meant. But he knew that he wanted to sound re-assuring and positive.

"Uh, sure. You can hold on. Hold onto what?"

"I can hold on."

This time it wasn't a question pointed at Jimmy. It was as if the boy were pondering a deeply
meaningful piece of new information.

"Holding on NOW..." The last word had more intensity. As he said it, both of the boy's hands
moved to Jimmy's, where it was grasping his leg. Jimmy watched intently at each of the small
moves the boy's body was making. Amazing...

Jimmy wondered, "How many times in 5 minutes can I say, `This is incredible?'"

Then the Asian boy moved his hand softly but urgently up Jimmy's forearm. The boy never
broke contact with Jimmy's skin below where his tee shirt ended, he simply moved it up to his
elbow and grabbed on tight. Then he pulled himself into Jimmy's lap, pulled Jimmy's arms
around him, and clasped Jimmy's hands in his own.

It hadn't been more than two seconds, and Jimmy found himself with his arms wrapped tightly
around the boys waist and upper body. Now they were holding on tight to each other.

"Holding on now.... Holding on..." It was still almost a whisper, but Jimmy heard it now clear
as a bell. The rest of the world had just ceased to exist. He had no thoughts, really. Just
plunging into a feeling of profound amazement. This perfect boy was actually in his arms.

There they were. Two teenaged boys in each other's arms and holding onto each other. For dear
life.

The boy's longish black hair hid the back of his neck and ears from Jimmy's view. Jimmy was
intensely aware of the heat of the boy's body. That and the strength of the boy's grip.

The Asian youth leaned his head back into Jimmy's right shoulder, tucked in there, right by his
neck.

OK. What do I do now? But Jimmy wasn't panicking anymore, not really. Just considering
what had to be done.

And then out loud, he said, "OK, it'll be OK. No problems now. It's OK." Jimmy heard
himself softly making shusshing sounds in the boy's ear, and swaying the both of them slightly
as he held the boy.

Like a mother comforting a baby.

The boy totally relaxed into Jimmy. He was holding on so tight it would cause black and blue
marks, maybe. But all the rest of him slumped even further onto Jimmy. If that were possible.

Jimmy was content all of a sudden. It wasn't a familiar feeling to him. He felt that he could
happily just sit right there in the middle of the sidewalk with this incredible boy, simply
appreciating this simple body contact, for the rest of his life.

The next three minutes brought Jimmy the most incredible feelings he could ever remember. He
didn't think anything. He simply felt what it was like to BE with somebody else. He hadn't ever
felt that. Not really.

He knew he had "been with" other people a lot, of course. But he'd never actually been WITH
one other person. Not like this. He didn't try to describe the feelings to himself. He just sat
with the boy, holding on himself, too.

What an amazing thing, to simply hold somebody like this. And to be held onto.

End of "Holding on For Dear Life"
Part 3