"Holding On For Dear Life"
Part 11

NOTE: All Thai words and phrases have been spelled so that readers may pronounce them correctly.
Please note that I am an American listener of Thai, as well. Other transliteration methods may vary.

*********************

It must be the next morning, James thought, his consciousness gathering itself from slumber. He
cracked an eye open just to check. Yup, light coming in from the closed curtains. He gently shifted
his weight, trying to stretch cramped muscles without disturbing the body entangled with his own in
the bed. Sakjai. Neung. His boyfriend. It hadn't been a dream!

Yesterday's events came to him, like a slow and sensuous slideshow in his mind. Everything was
different now. Absolutely everything in his life had changed in less than 24 hours. James struggled
with his morning fog to come up with words to describe it all. Amazing. Exciting. Frightening.
Surprising. But most of all, it hadn't been a dream. There was the proof, lying in the bed next to him.
The most beautiful boy in the world was sleeping in his arms.

James savored the memories of last night, luxuriated in them. Until he remembered one thing that
worried him. There was always one worry at least to spoil everything, wasn't there? Yet, Sakjai had
kept telling him not to worry, that he thought about everything too much. Well, that was surely true.
He'd worried that anybody would ever discover that he was gay, and that had turned out ok. So far.
Pending what his parents would think about it when they found out. If they hadn't already figured it
out.

He'd also worried that he would never have any friends, let alone a boyfriend. And that was
groundless, too.

He'd worried about being fat and ugly, and he wasn't. That had been proven to him last night by
Neung's loving every inch of him. He didn't have to think that he himself was handsome, really. The
only important thing was that his boyfriend thought so. And he did. He didn't even have to worry
about his dick any more. Well, big amendment...he didn't have to worry about its' being tiny. It was
normal...average...whatever. That was a huge relief.

There was just that one Big Worry left, then. And it IS pretty big, he considered silently, surveying
the shadows gradually receding from his room as the morning light made everything more distinct.

Last night, after saying good night to his Dad, after the bath, that's when it had happened. Or rather,
when it hadn't happened. True to his word, Neung had given James a massage. He said that Thai
people are noted for their terrific massages. Not just rubbing everything like the Swedes, oh no!
Sakjai had James remove his towel, and both of them were naked again. Just being naked with
another naked person was awesome and strange to James. The massage had started with James lying
on his stomach. Neung had pressed, prodded, and kneaded, stretched and pretzel-ized James's entire
body. There was pain. There was exquisite pleasure. His body had never been so thoroughly
explored before. Every inch of him from the top of his head and scalp to each of his toes and the soles
of his feet had been massaged, and it had taken almost an hour. Nobody talking, only Neung
murmuring soft one word commands occasionally. And the sound of music softly playing in the
background.

And then James had been told to turn over, face up, so the other half of his body could receive the
same attention. At first, he had been embarrassed about having a major erection for much of the
previous hour. His dick had flapped like a flagpole when he turned over onto his back. Sakjai had
squeezed it with a giggle of delight. But then it sort of deflated as the massage continued. By the time
Sakjai said, "Finished!" James's penis was back in its usual flaccid state. Every muscle in his body
seemed to be totally relaxed, so he didn't worry about it immediately. He seemed to be floating on a
cloud of well being.

Then Neung had flopped down onto the bed beside him, a little sweaty from the exertion of being a
masseuse. And he had poked James's side with something other than his hands and fingers. His dick
was as hard as a rock again, just as it had been in the bath.

"Can I play with you the same way you played with me before the bath, James?"

"Hmmmmm...." was the practically unconscious acceptance.

And Neung had begun another kind of exploration of James's body. It started feather-light, and James
felt his ears and neck being touched so lightly that the hairs all over his body shivered into vertical
position. Neung's fingers softly stroked everywhere, moving ever further southward. James felt his
nipples harden. He'd never noticed those before. He felt his libido stirring again. And then Neung
had silently urged James to spread his legs, so he was X shaped on top of the bedcovers. On one
elbow, Neung feasted his eyes on the splendor of his new friend's body, and his touch followed his
gaze. James felt his pubes being brushed, and then his balls being lightly fondled in their sack, which
contracted deliciously into a solid lump of ticklish good feeling. James's toes curled with delight as he
moaned his appreciation. Sakjai just knew that James was going to always love having his balls
played with.

And the fingers continued their search for pleasure zones. Under his balls, as far as he could reach his
fingers. The crease between his crotch and his upper thighs. Both sides. And then the fingers started
to explore his dick. From stem to stern, tip of the foreskin to the base buried up inside his abdomen,
Sakjai memorized his new boyfriend's penis. He loved doing it, and time stood still.

For James, it was different than he'd ever thought it would be in his lone jerk-off fantasies. Most
importantly, he'd never really fantasized about somebody pleasuring him. It had always been the
other way around, and he'd never thought that anybody would want to make his body feel good. So it
was strange to be receiving pleasure at somebody else's hands.

Not to say that he didn't love it. He did! His whole body was tingling and reverberating with ocean
swells of pleasure. He hummed and moaned as Sakjai showed him his erogenous zones for the first
time. He expected that he'd be overly excited, that maybe he wouldn't be able to hold off his orgasm
long enough to return the favor to his partner. But that hadn't been the problem.

His dick stayed soft. Just like in the bathtub. He was happy, he was stimulated and excited to be with
the boy of his dreams. But he wasn't erect. Was there something wrong with him? He'd never had
trouble with hard-ons before. In fact, he more often wished that it would go down and not embarrass
him somehow, like in gym showers. He had absolutely no experience with worrying that it wouldn't
get hard.

And would Sakjai get tired of it all? Would he notice and think that James didn't enjoy it? Or would
he think that James was selfish somehow? Of course, Sakjai noticed that his friend's dick wasn't
responding. He thought that perhaps he wasn't doing something right. So he'd asked, "Is this fun for
you, James?"

"Ohhh yeah...this is amazing...sooo good..." was the sleepy sounding response.

"Do you want me to make you hard here...?" and squeezed James's cock in the most delightful
manner.

"Ummm, I must be tired or something. But it feels really good when you play with me down there...I
love it..."

"Oh, good...But James, mine is not so tired..." And Neung had started rubbing himself on James's leg
as he said it.

So James had turned onto his side facing the Thai youth, and hugged him. He'd grabbed one of
Sakjai's bubble-shaped butt cheeks with each of his hands and pulled Neung into himself. Neung's
warm breath made James's neck damp with sweat. He could feel the well-defined muscles of Neung's
bum bunch up and contract as he rubbed his hard-on against James's crotch. At first, the Thai boy's
dick had rubbed up against James's pubes, but Neung reached down and adjusted himself. He slowly
pushed his hard dick between James's legs, right up under his balls. There was enough sweat there to
make it slick and smooth as Neung started a slow-motion fucking motion. Soon, his own pre-cum
added to the lubrication, and James could feel everything intensely, as the motions grew more urgent.

Neung grabbed onto James to anchor himself as he lunged harder and harder between the legs of his
new lover. He hissed his appreciation and his passion as he moved. His breathing grew more and
more ragged, his movements more and more powerful. James just kept kneading those wonderful
buns as Sakjai moved back and forth into him. The peak was wonderful. Neung's ragged breathing
gave way to panting as he came, shooting jet after warm and sticky jet of fluid between James's legs.
It completely coated James's still-limp tackle.

"Ahhh, James....aahhhh....ohhhh....hmmmmm...." As Sakjai came down from the mountaintops, his
urgent moans turned into contented purring, kind of like a Siamese cat, James thought. After several
minutes of gentle post-orgasmic thrusting movements, Neung had separated their sticky bodies and
cleaned them both up with one of the bath towels that had been left on the floor beside the bed.

And the cuddling after was just as wonderful for Sakjai as the sex had been. Holding onto his lover,
drifting to sleep in the after-glow. The best night of his life, was Neung's last thought before he
floated off into dreamland.

James had held on too, of course. But his last thought of the night had been "What's wrong with me?
I haven't been able to cum since this morning, before I met him..." And that's what he was worrying
about as the new day started, too.

He disentangled himself from the still comatose Neung, and checked his flaccid penis just to be sure
he wasn't missing anything. He wasn't. Not even a morning piss-hard. He frowned as he put on
boxers and his favorite cargo shorts and matching tee shirt. Then he stopped off to deposit the night's
gallon of piss, splashed some water onto his face, made a cursory attempt to untangle his brown curls
with his fingers, and went to see what the day would bring.

James shuffled into the kitchen, still blinking the sleep from his eyes despite his half-hearted ablutions.
As always, his mother Ali was way ahead of him. Ali was a morning person, bright and cheerful even
at the break of day. This fact had always been annoying to James, who typically needed about an hour
merely to decide if the day was worth greeting at all, and then at best with a grumble. Ali knew not to
make too many conversational demands on her son right off the bat. Even though she was bursting
with curiosity and concern and questions and motherly advice.

"Good morning, James."

"Mornin', Mom. Thanks for remembering my new name."

Ali was amazed. This was the most her youngest child had ever said before breakfast. Must be a good
day indeed.

"You're welcome! It's not every day that my son acquires a new name and a new friend. Yesterday
was quite a day, huh?"

"Hmmm...." James reverted to his usual morning vocabulary, but it sounded agreeable enough.

Ali considered her next questions carefully. She wanted to make the good mood last. "So, how did
you sleep? Is Sakjai still snoozing?"

"He's got a new nickname, too, Mom. We're going to call him Neung. Didn't Dad tell you last
night?"

Ali considered that newest piece of the puzzle. No, Paul had not shared that new tidbit with her. She
must have already been asleep when he talked to them again. Ah, the inscrutable ways of youth!
"Neung? Sounds very exotic. What does it mean?"

"It's Thai language. It means the number one."

"I see..." But, of course she didn't see. It just gave Ali more questions to ask. Not very satisfying for
a mother used to knowing everything.

"He's still sleeping. He had a terrible day yesterday. Can we let him be a little while longer? It's
only 9."

"Entirely up to you, dear. It's the first day of summer vacation! What are your plans?"

James suddenly realized that he had no idea. He was consumed with feelings and thoughts about the
day just passed. The future hadn't occurred to him yet.

"Um, not sure, really..."

"Well, remember that your father wants to talk to Sakjai's...sorry, Neung's housekeeper this morning.
When he gets up, we should call right away so she doesn't worry where he was last night."

"Right. But we did call there last night after you went to bed." James had forgotten that detail
himself, until right then. "We left a message on their answering machine for Nancy. You know, for
when she gets to work. She's probably there already. We left our address and phone number. Just
this phone number, not the cell phones, though. Ok?"

Thinking about meeting his new friend's family made him nervous. His new boyfriend hadn't spoken
about his family, and didn't seem to want to. Must be lots of bad news about that, for sure. My
boyfriend's family. What a concept. Never had to think about anything like this before. Weird!

"Well done, James. Very responsible of you. So you guys ended up staying awake a long time last
night, then?"

"Not too late. Maybe 1 or 2am. He gave me the most amazing massage..." And his gaze became sort
of unfocused, his mind drifting to memories of last night. Ali noticed that he had gone quiet, and
thought to herself, `Breakfast should help him along here...' And she went through all the motions of
preparing a weekend family breakfast with all the trimmings. James just sat at the kitchen table, and
didn't even drink from the large tumbler of fresh OJ his Mom had put in front of him as he sat down.

"Please go tell your father that everything's ready."

"Where is he, Mom?"

"Where is he every Saturday morning, darling son of mine?"

"Oh, right. Forgot it's Saturday. Ok." And James went out through the dining room to the garage
door. Poking his head out, he shouted, "Dad! Breakfast!"

And Ali had been right, of course. Her husband Paul was washing his Baby, his Precious Jewel, his
deep green Jaguar. After breakfast, he'd wax and polish it. As long as the temperature was above
freezing, that's what he did every Saturday morning in living memory. He never let anybody else
touch it, except in the depths of winter. He paid James to do the Jeep Cherokee whenever it got too
dirty, but the Jag was all his!

Paul cleaned up and was washing his hands at the kitchen sink as he said, "So, James, where's Neung
this beautiful morning?"

James blushed for no definable reason. "Still sleeping, I think. Thanks for remembering his name..."

"Hey, I try to keep up with all my son's boyfriend's names! Ummm, friend's names. I meant... all my
son's friend's names..." He washed his hands more furiously, almost scraping the skin off, so deep was
his embarrassment at the inadvertent slip of the tongue.

Ali's "Paul!" and James's "Whaaat???" were spoken at exactly the same moment.

Paul studied the pattern of the floor tiles as he dried his hands and tried to think what he could say to
retreat from this conversational precipice.

As Paul looked up, he tried to look his son in the eye, but James was finding the floor equally
fascinating. "Look, James, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't mean to push you, or pry, or make you talk
about things before you're ready. But your mother and I already noticed that you and Sakjai are
extremely close, very good friends. We both are really happy about that. We approve. In fact, we're
relieved that maybe you won't be so alone anymore. Your Mom and I both hope that this is the
beginning of a wonderful new adventure. For both of you."

As James had listened to this astonishing mini-speech from his lawyer Dad, his whole body seemed to
slump into his chair. It was as though all the muscles in his body had released themselves at once.
The deep breath he had been holding slowly escaped his lungs in a long sigh.

"You both know?" He asked flatly.

Ali and Paul glanced at each other, then moved protectively to their son. Ali softly said, "James, if
you mean do we know if you're gay or bisexual, no, we don't know for sure, of course. Because
you've not told us for yourself either way. But we did strongly suspect it from last night. Your friend
obviously likes you and needs you very much. You take care of him, almost protect him. We've
never seen you this way with anybody else before. You yourself said he was cute. You were holding
hands and touching each other a lot."

James groaned audibly and muttered, "Oh my God..."

Ali continued, "It seemed more like the way your sister and a new boyfriend would be while visiting
us. More than just a new guy friend you met at school. And we could hear you last night...in your
room...and it didn't seem to be just talking, hon..."

James hid his face in his hands. He was breathing hard, his heart pounding in his chest. In a word,
panic was about to set in.

Paul and Ali decided to let him settle down a bit. They took their accustomed places at the table and
started to share the breakfast around the various plates and glasses and cups. Many of the family's
"significant" conversations took place at this table. It seemed more natural, safer to them all,
somehow.

"You want to eat your breakfast and tell us about it, dear?" Ali asked.

James dried his eyes (they had started leaking a bit) and began to eat, chewing his pancakes and
sausage by autopilot, mostly looking down at the plate in front of him. Paul and Ali just kept quiet,
waiting for whatever he chose to share with them. Eventually, James put his fork down and set his
jaw. He looked both his parents in the eye and asked, "Are you mad at me?"

Both parents looked puzzled, and Paul replied, "Why would we be angry with you?"

"Well, umm...maybe cuz of what you heard from my room..."

"Oh! You mean would we be upset if you were having sex?"

James had never blushed more violently, but he simply nodded in the affirmative, and somewhat
defiantly announced, "I love him."

Paul smiled encouragingly, and said, "We know, James. We could tell."

James continued, "I love him more than just a friend, Dad. I think...I hope... we're gonna be
boyfriends."

Ali was grinning too. "Just like your sister was at your age. Meet somebody one day, boyfriend the
next!"

"Mom, I'm serious. I never felt like this about anybody before. I never knew it could be like this. I
just told you the biggest, grossest secret about myself, and you're making a joke about it?"

Paul raised his hand in a peace-making gesture, "Whoa, Tiger, your Mom wasn't making fun of you!
She and I both know how you feel. We were both young once upon a time, too, ya know!"

"Sooo, are you mad at me?"

Ali replied, "We hope that you don't rush too fast into something. We hope you use common sense
and safe sex. It will take me a bit of time to get used to the idea. But no, I don't think we're angry.
More like surprised, I think. You took us by surprise."

"And what about my being gay?"

Ali replied, "Look, James, I'm sorry I said that about your sister before. I was just trying to lighten the
mood, to re-assure you. Thank you for sharing this very important part of yourself with us. Your Dad
and I are honored that you're telling us. Lots of gay people never do that. They try and keep
everything secret, and end up losing closeness with their family."

"Ma, some families would kill a gay guy if they found out about him! The last three years I've known
about myself. I was sure that if anybody found out, I'd be dead meat. I tried to hide everything about
myself. From everybody. It's really scary being gay. Until yesterday, I hated it. I would never have
told you if Sakjai hadn't come along."

Paul matched his son's serious demeanor. "James, you're absolutely right. Lots of people wouldn't
understand what having gay sons or daughters might mean. They'd make all sorts of judgements
about it. They might even abuse or reject their own children. People at school might be really horrible
to you, even the teachers. Same at the Church. It happens all the time. I understand exactly how you
felt, keeping that secret the way you felt you had to. I wish we had said something to you before, so
you could know it was ok with us. We just didn't know. Can you forgive us?"

"Me, forgive you? What for?" James was totally confused.

Paul reached over and took his son's hand and said, "For not being able to make it easier for you than
we did. We should have been able to help you through this better."

"Dad, I don't see how you could have. I wasn't giving off many signals, was I? You're the best father
a guy could have. Really..."

Paul started to cry. Huge gulping sobs, like James had never seen before yesterday with Sakjai. He
was alarmed, and said, "Mom...? What...?"

Ali was rushing around from her place at the other side of the table, and knelt beside her husband,
taking him in her arms and making soothing noises. She turned to James and said, "It's alright, honey.
Your Dad just feels really sad for you right now. He knows how lonely you must have been all these
years. He knows how much you hated yourself for what you were feeling inside all this time. He's
angry with himself for letting you go through it all alone like you have been. But he'll be fine.
Everybody needs a little cry once in a while..."

"Dad, I didn't mean to make you sad. I'm sorry I upset you. I'll try harder to make you feel proud of
me. Really, I will. I promise. Ok, Dad? Dad?" And James reached out for his father. He was crying
too.

Paul grabbed onto his son as tightly as he was holding his wife, and gulped, "Son, I have never been
prouder of anybody than I am of you right now. I love you so much, Jimmy...You're a wonder to me,
you really are!" James was so overcome by all the emotion in the room that he didn't even mind his
father using his old diminutive name.

"Proud of me? What for?"

Ali spoke up; "Your Dad and I are both very proud of you for having the courage to tell us your big
secret. For not trying to hide it any longer." Paul nodded his agreement, wiping his eyes.

"But I didn't tell you. I mean, you found out. You heard us..."

Paul cleared his throat as he re-gained control of himself. "Son, as long as you're practicing safe sex
like your mother said, I don't mind you doing what we heard you doing. Not that I could stop you
even if I wanted to, of course! But I'm proud that you didn't deny it. I'm proud you have the guts to
be open and honest in a homophobic world like this one is. I could never have done that with my
parents. I would have kept hiding the secret, for sure."

James looked a little confused, and started to ask, "But, Dad, what secrets did you ever have...?"

Just at that moment, a timid accented voice spoke up from the archway between the kitchen and the
living room. "Is everybody sad?"

Sakjai was awake.

James leapt up from the table and embraced Sakjai like a long lost brother. Full body hugs ensued,
along with kisses right on the lips. Sakjai began to push his friend away. After all, they were right in
front of his parents. But then he went with the flow and sort of melted into James's arms, forgetting
for a moment everybody else in the room.

They soon needed to take a breath. As they did, the two love-struck teens smiled and sank into each
other's eyes.

Sakjai said, "James, I think you told to me that boys should not be kissing each other?" And giggled
delightfully.

"Um, right. But I just told my mother and father that we're boyfriends. They know about us. They
say it's ok."

"Boyfriends, James? What is this word?"

"Boyfriends...being with each other, going out together, sleeping together like a boy and girl would,
only we're both boys."

"Ah! Pen fan-gahn...chai mai?"

"Thai again, Neung. Think in English, please!"

"Err, yes, James. Fan...is Thai language for a boyfriend or a girlfriend. The same word for both. You
are not just my friend who is a boy. You are my boyfriend. My fan! Chai, mai?"

"Chai. You're my fan, too." James then turned to his parents, who were still holding each other at the
kitchen table, Paul crying softly as they watched their son declare his love for the first time. "Mom,
Dad, Neung is gonna teach me Thai, too. We're fans now. Boyfriends."

Sakjai was smiling like the sun. "My James is my fan. Excuse me Khun Paul, Khun Ali, YOUR
James is my fan now!"

Ali couldn't help herself. "Congratulations, boys. This is always going to be a special day, I think.
Sakjai? Neung? Would you like some breakfast?" And gestured to the table, still piled high with
food.

"Yes, please! I am very hungry! And you have Thai food today! Pancakes! Pork! Eggs! Nahm
som...oh, sorry, orange juice!" And he dove in, a completely different boy than the diffident lad who
pushed his meatloaf around on the plate so unenthusiastically just the night before. The others joined
him, of course. Paul and Ali just had more coffee, but James had another plate full of food, too.

"Hey, Mom! Did you know that I'm not all that fat? Actually, I'm really kinda normal, so I think I
can eat more of these, right?" Both parents were astonished. They'd only been trying to convince
their son that his body image was distorted for about 5 years already, and here he was announcing it
like it was the News of the Day. Well, in a way, it was. Ali replied, "You don't say? Well, I think I
agree with you about that for a change."

"Yeah, I only weigh 9 pounds more than this skinny Thai guy here, right Neung?"

"Yes, James! I am very lucky that my skinny body is perfect for you, like you told me last night in the
hong nahm when we were taking a bath!"

James added a lovely blush to his beaming smile. "Ummm, Mom, hong nahm is Thai for bathroom.
He was showing me some things in there last night. I mean, he was...umm...well..."

And Paul laughed out loud. "Yes, I bet he was showing you a thing or two. And what, pray tell, did
you show him in return, son?"

"Awwww, Daaaaad!"

And so the breakfast wended its way to completion.

As everybody pitched in to clear the table and wash up, the phone rang. Ali answered, and handed it
to Neung. "It's for you, dear."

Neung quietly said, "Hello?" Nobody had ever telephoned him before, so he was a little shy. It was
his Aunt's housekeeper, checking in.

"Yes, Nancy, I am with my friend James and his family. I slept here last night. Moment, please..."
He cradled the phone in his shoulder and asked the assembled family if he could sleep over again
tonight. James was emphatic, "YES!" but they both looked for permission from the parental units.

"Neung, when is your Aunt coming home from the City?"

Sakjai relayed the question to Nancy, and replied, "Khun Paul, Nancy is not sure. Maybe tomorrow,
maybe Monday or Tuesday. Do you want me to call to her in New York City?"

"No, that's all right, son. As long as we talk to her when she gets back, I think that'll be fine. Sound
ok with you, Ali my love?" His wife nodded agreement. James beamed. Sakjai politely said good-
bye to Nancy and hung up the phone.

Ali went into mother mode. "Neung, are you wearing the same clothes you had on yesterday?"

"Yes, Khun Alison...Very sorry..." with a blush.

"Did you sleep in them last night, too?"

The blush got deeper and seemed to spread to James. "No, Kuhn Alison..."

"Well, what did you sleep in then?...oh...I see..Never mind..." And it was her own turn to become
scarlet. Paul laughed, delighted that his family could bare all like this.

The boys agreed that they would transport all Sakjai's books and papers back to his Aunt's house and
trade them for pants, shirts, shorts, underwear, and the other necessities of life for the next couple of
days. And, putting their shoes on by the garage door, off they traipsed.

The house was suddenly very quiet. Paul and Ali became pensive as they sipped their third mug of
coffee of the morning. "Well, wife, our son and heir seems to have grown up all of a sudden."

"Yeah. Makes me feel old, a little. Even though Chris is three years older than he is, I don't recall her
ever declaring her love for any boy the way James did this morning. This doesn't feel like a passing
fling to me, Paulie."

"Nope. I agree. Even though you were right when you pointed out to James that he had just met
Neung yesterday. What's with the two names, now, anyhow? Which one should we call him?"

"They seem to use them equally and interchangeably, Paul. Let's just do the same." Then she
changed the subject. "Paul, while we have the house to ourselves, how about we talk about your mini-
breakdown?"

Paul looked embarrassed, but replied, "Ok. What about it?"

"How do you feel about James coming out of the closet with such a big bang? I mean, way down
deep. What were the tears all about?"

"Well, like I said...it was like I was feeling all his loneliness and isolation and guilt and self-hate. I
suddenly realized why he was so withdrawn and introverted the past few years. It was like I was
feeling it myself. It was that clear to me. It was awful..."

"Paul, can I tell you something?"

"I know you when you get that tone of voice...I'm going to hear it whether I want to or not! What?"

"Be careful that you don't confuse all HIS pain and anguish with what you remember about your own,
ok? He needs you to be his father, not his twin."

"What do you mean?"

"You know very well what I mean. He has problems and issues that aren't similar to what yours were
when you were his age. He's different than you were. Don't forget it."

"Ok, maybe you're right about that. Perhaps I was a little too quick to identify with everything I
thought he was going through. I'll work on that."

"Another thing, Paul. You were so happy for him this morning that you outed him yourself, right in
the kitchen. You outed him without asking me about it, without preparing him in any way at all. It
was BAM! Right between his eyes. You hit him with his own biggest secret and his fiercest
emotions. We were very lucky he handled it all so well, and rose to the occasion so magnificently."

"What did I do wrong, Ali? I don't get it! I thought I was being supportive!"

"You were, of course. But a lot of freight can go over the same tracks. His pain isn't the same as
yours was. His love and self-discovery now is not going to make up for your past trauma. Just let him
share his own pain and his own happiness with us, in his own time. Don't force him out of any more
closets before he volunteers. And don't be jealous of his love and happiness, for God's sake!"

"Huh? Me, jealous of James?"

"Yeah. His feelings are his own. You're already jealous that he has something now that you only
dreamed of when you were his age. Go ahead and enjoy his happiness, husband o' mine. But
remember one thing. Your memories and your past problems won't be resolved by trying to live
through your son's life now. Let him enjoy his first love on his own, in his own way."

"I feel guilty, but I'm not sure why, hon. Tell me if you think I'm doing it again, ok?"

"You can count on it, Paul. For sure! I also think this might have something to do with Dennis. Talk
to me about that some more if you need to."

Paul went white, and his eyes misted over with painful memories. "I haven't thought about Dennis in
soo long, Ali. Why are you bringing him up like this?"

"Because I think your memories of Dennis might get in the way of being a good father to a gay son
and his new boyfriend." She waited for her husband to react.

"Ali, I don't see how that could be possible. It hurts so much to hear that name after all these years..."

"Ok, husband. Maybe I'm being too pushy now myself. Tell me to back off when you need to. But
keep thinking about this. It might be important."

Paul heaved a huge sigh, from the very depths of his being. "Alright. I never thought I'd have to go
there again. But...if you think I need to..."

"Good. Now, you wanna come help me with the shopping? Or do you want to get started on the lawn
and the other outside stuff?" Paul felt immediately better now that they were back on familiar ground.
They decided who would do what in the household maintenance department, and Ali went off
planning to raid the oriental section of the local food store to see what she could russle up for a
somewhat Thai-style dinner.

Meanwhile, James and his new fan Sakjai had reached what the Thai boy referred to as his Aunt's
house. "How come you never call this your house, too, Neung?"

"Because it is NOT my house, James. I only live here as a guest, because my Aunt said I could stay."

It was a pleasant house; two story, with somewhat modern angles and lines to it. The plants and trees
all looked trim and trained, everything in its place. They approached the imposing wooden front door,
and it opened as if by magic. A middle-aged Latin looking woman answered the door. She wore an
old fashioned blue and white maid's outfit. James tried not to stare, but it looked to him like a
costume, something out of the 50's or 60's.

"Good morning, Sakjai. Is this your friend?"

"Yes, Nancy, this is James. I brought him to show you that I am fine, and to get some more clothes. I
will stay at James's house until my Aunt comes back." Sakjai wasn't asking permission, really. He
was simply making an announcement. James wasn't used to a kid talking to an adult like that. He
wasn't being rude, he was just self-assured and in charge. Nancy smiled and asked if she could help.
The Thai youth said they could handle it. And that was that.

They were now in a large formal living room. It looked like a museum, a rich mix of antique and
modern pieces from both East and West. James was impressed, but he was nervous about touching
anything. Sakjai asked Nancy to bring them some ice water, and led James up the carpeted staircase
that curved upward and to the left. He gestured James into the first room he came to at the top of the
stairs. It was about the same size as James's own, but it looked bigger. That was because there wasn't
much in it. Nothing like homey touches. It had a double bed with a generic muted tone bedspread, a
bureau, the requisite mirrors and other bedroom standard features. Everything seemed to be beige and
white and blonde wood tones. There wasn't anything personal, nothing that smacked of a young boy
inhabiting the space. It looked a little like an up-scale hotel room. James began to realize what his
new boyfriend was talking about.

Nancy knocked on the door and delivered big goblets of cold water and some cookies on a silver plate.
Then she left with only a smile and a nod, closing the door behind her.

James was on the bed as Sakjai moved around the room, unpacking, sorting, and packing again. "Jeez,
she really IS a maid, huh?"

"She's nice, James. She comes from the Philippines, but she has lived here for a very long time. I
think she has a husband, but no children."

"What does she do all day? Do you talk to her?"

"Sometimes. But she works here, James. She is not a friend. So we don't talk like friends talk. She
is not the friend of my Aunt, the same."

"So, like, who DID you talk to while you were here?"

"James, I already told you. I talked to nobody." He then shrugged, sort of helplessly, and continued,
"Until yesterday. Now, I have you."

"But, what about the TV, a stereo, a computer, some books or games, anything like that?" James was
scanning the room, seeing nothing vaguely resembling those things.

"No, James. I had my homework books and papers. Things to practice my English. Nothing else."

James was astonished at the barren landscape Sakjai was describing so simply and starkly. "So you
didn't have anything to do, and nobody to talk to. What about your Aunt? You talk to her, right?"

Neung gestured around the room, and managed to indicate that he included the whole house. "She is
not here often, James."

"How often?"

"I have been in America for 6 weeks. My Aunt has been here for 7 nights only. She comes when she
has, how you say, turr-ah...errands...things she must do here in Middleboro."

"So how often have you gone down to the City with her, Neung? What kind of place does she have
down there? Whaddaya do when you're down there with her? That must be fun, right?"

Neung showed a faint ghost of a smile as he said, "I have never gone there with her, James. She never
invited me to go. It would be rude for me to ask. I do not really know her."

James was suddenly depressed. Shit, what a life Sakjai had. Or rather, what a life he had NOT had.
Suddenly something else occurred to him. He was stunned at the thought of everything else he didn't
know about his boyfriend.

"Sakjai, what's your last name?"

"Last name? You mean my family name, James?"

The American youth nodded.

"You might laugh, James. Thai family names are not like American names. Mine is
Tamtongwannapon."

James heard the five syllables sort of wash over him, but he hadn't caught them. "Huh?"

"You see, James, I told you. Not similar. Yours is easy, very short. La Roq. I like it. Mine, you will
have to study. Say after me...Tam..."

James felt like a parrot as he repeated, "Tam..."

"Tong...WAH...na...pon..."

"Yes, James. Now say it all together." He smiled encouragingly, so James tried. He got it right on
only the third try. "Tamtongwannapon...wow...what a handle! Thank God your first name is easier!"
They laughed together.

"Sakjai, what's your Aunt's name?"

"Oh, James! You already want to try another strange name?"

"Yeah, sure I do. I want to know everything about you!"

"Alright, James. My Aunt's name is Khunying Naphalai Vejjajiva. Can you say that now?" And he
giggled at the gob-smacked look on James's face.

"Couldn't be something like Mary Jones, I suppose, could it?"

"No James. Repeat after me..." And James tried valiantly. He got it right eventually.

And then he asked, "Hey, why does your Aunt have three names and you have two? What's the deal
with that?"

"Khunying isn't really a name, James. It is a, err...I do not know what this word is in English..."

And the two youths yelled in unison, "Dictionary!!"

That all-important book had already been packed along with extra clothes and such, so it took a
moment to lay hands on it, but they did.

Neung leafed through the Thai squiggles in the front half of the Dictionary, and said, "Khunying...is a
title, James. Not a name, a title. Do you understand?"

"A title? You mean like a Duke or a Duchess or something like that?"

James had to look up those terms and show Sakjai the Thai equivalents. "Ah, James, I see what you
mean. No, not that big a title. Khunying is below what you said, but higher than Khun...higher than
us..."

They leafed through the dictionary some more, and finally decided that Neung's Aunt was like a Lady
or a Dame would be in England. James said, "Wow, cool! Lady Naphalai...Is she like royalty, or
something?"

More dictionary work ensued, but the reply was not really. Honorifics are given because of marriage
or service performed to Crown or country. Sakjai said, "James, I have never really thought about all
this very much, you know. Khunying Naphalai is the sister of my father. I never knew any of my
father's relatives." The words were spoken before he realized that he had embarked on dangerous
territory. He looked down at the floor, hoping that James wouldn't notice.

But of course, James did notice. "You don't know any of your father's family? Why not?"

"My father died."

"Jeez, I'm sorry about that. Was it a long time ago?"

"No. He died last year. But I did not know him." Struggling to tell the truth about all this, afraid that
his new boyfriend would find it all too strange and ruin everything, Neung kept looking at the floor as
he answered James's questions.

"You didn't know him? So he and your Mom got divorced a long time ago?"

"No, James. Not exactly..."

"They weren't divorced? Oh, must be like us Catholics, then. They were, like, permanently
separated?"

"No, James. My father always had another wife...another family..." And he started crying.

James was next to Neung on the bed in a heartbeat. He didn't quite understand what was wrong, but it
sounded pretty bad. James put his arms around Neung, but couldn't help asking for more information.

"Your father had another family? So he didn't live with you and your Mom, then?"

"No, James, he never did. He visited my mother sometimes, and he paid for things. He was a rich
man, an important person, but not for me...never for me..." And he kept on softly crying.

James thought about what he had just heard. No wonder Sakjai seemed so lost.

"But, Sakjai, what about your Mom? Why aren't you still with her, just cuz your father died? I mean,
since he didn't live with you anyway..."

"James, she found another man. A man who would marry her and be a proper husband for her. I had
to leave..."

"But why? Wouldn't your mother fight for you and make her new husband understand that you love
each other?" James couldn't imagine his own mother letting some new man in her life make her son
leave. It just wasn't possible.

"She loved the new man more than me, James. I never made her happy. She was never happy with
me. She made me leave. I am not important to her...not important to anybody..."

"Well, you're sure as shit important to me! You got that?" James's hug became fierce and possessive.

"Yes, James, I can feel it. Your family is very good for you. You are very lucky. I hope I can make
you happy..."

"You DO make me happy. I love you. My family will never make you sad, I promise. I promise with
all my heart, Sakjai."

"I will try and remember, James. I can hold on to you. Maybe I can hold on to your family also."

"Count on it. You can. I promise."

Sakjai was able to stop the waterworks eventually, and he did hold on. They both did. And soon, the
Thai boy said, "James, can we go back to your house now? I do not like this place very much..." He
hadn't even bothered to change out of the clothes he had on. James suddenly had an incongruous
image of the blue J-Press briefs his fan must be still wearing; despite being crusty from their sexual
play the night before. How strange to know something that intimate about another person. But out
loud, he replied:

"You can say that again, bro! Let's blow this joint!" Neung knew neither of these cliche expressions,
but got the meaning in context as they left with no further ado. Neither of them looked like they cared
if they ever went back. As they closed the door on the guest bedroom, it didn't look as though
anybody had ever been there, anyhow.

End of Part 11