"Holding On For Dear Life"

NOTE: All Thai words and phrases have been spelled so that readers may pronounce them
correctly. Please note that I am an American listener of Thai, as well. Other transliteration methods
may vary.

**************************************

Ali and Paul had been relaxing over coffee and after dinner drinks (Paul was fond of good port, and
Ali was partial to white creme de menthe) and chatting about meeting James's new Thai friend named
Sakjai.

Paul asked, "How are you doing with getting used to our son's newest name? James will have to do,
as it's his choice, of course. But, isn't it a bit formal?"

"Well, hon, it may take some getting used to, but I kind of like it, actually. Sounds somehow stronger,
more self-assured or something. And he certainly was acting less anxious and withdrawn than he has
in a long time! Maybe less than his entire life!"

"I noticed that, too! That looks like a very good sign to me. Obviously, there has to be a connection
between this kid Sakjai and the new James. I like him already."

"Paul, I hate to point out the obvious, but I think we're going to have no choice about that! Did you
see the way he took care of Sakjai at dinner? He was really looking out for him. I've never seen him
more involved with somebody else's feelings than he has been with his own. Have you?"

"I think you're right. How `bout that? A Thai hottie becoming a fixture around here! James has
always seemed so worried about himself; it's always gotten in the way with other people. If Sakjai
can help him get out of himself, I'd be personally very grateful to him! And I think our son is well and
truly smitten. He's got pretty good taste, actually. Chip off the old block on that score? It's lovely
watching them. Holding hands, embarrassed that you caught him using the word "cute". And did you
notice them playing footsies under the table?"

"How could I not? They got in the way of my doing it with you! It felt so romantic and sexy in here it
was kind of turning me on, too!"

"So that's what it was. Right, I can see that now! I thought it was just me or something." And Paul
gave his wife a smoldering sensual smile, widening his deep blue eyes for extra effect.

"Awww, Paulie...I love it when you switch those eyes on full beam like that! Wanna go fool around?"

"Absolutely! But maybe we should wait until the guys are settled in for the night first? And we will
have to keep the animal noises down, I suppose. That's too bad..."

"We're used to that, aren't we? When was it we had to start being careful, anyhow? When Chris was
4 or 5, maybe?"

"Yeah, something like that. When Jim-James, sorry, was just a kicking little ball of energy."

Ali smiled at that image. Then she said, "You know, Paulie, you were pretty good with them tonight.
You did very well containing my `too many questions too soon' mode, you know? Plus, you were
right!"

"Thanks. I was hoping you weren't mad at me about that. But all I did really was take your advice
from earlier, remember? You just forgot yourself in your motherly zeal, that's all."

"Hmm, right." But Ali's thoughts were now focused on something more immediate. "Paulie, do you
think our son and heir will have to keep the noise down tonight himself?"

Paul blinked. It was an obvious question to ask, of course. But somehow he hadn't made that
particular leap in his own mind yet. "I suppose he might, at that... But isn't it a bit soon? After, all, I
think they haven't spent that much time together. That is, IF they're either gay or bi, which we don't
really know anything concrete about yet. Shouldn't they wait? I mean, to get better acquainted? And
maybe I should have another talk with James about safe sex."

Ali chortled. "You've only given him that talk about three times so far! Remember how last time he
kept on saying he knew it already, and give it a rest? You're such a mother hen sometimes!"

"I'M the mother hen?? What about your OWN hovering and snooping and listening at doors, Miss
Nancy Drew? What do you think about the possibility of them having sex pretty soon...maybe even
tonight, for all we know? I think we should encourage them to wait..."

"Oh, sure, just like we did ourselves! How long had we known each other before we jumped in the
sack? About three hours, as I recall. We turned out alright, didn't we?"

"Not fair! We were older than 15!" Paul was getting a bit defensive, surprised at Ali's air of
permissiveness.

"Yup, we were. But not by much! And when was your first time? It's been awhile since we walked
down Memory Lane, isn't it? Come on, how old were you?"

"Well, 13. But that doesn't technically count! We didn't have intercourse!"

Ali snorted, although she had a wide grin at the same time. "Yeah, yeah, I remember you trying to
justify that one too many times, Paulie. It counts, believe me. You were well and truly smitten
yourself then, even if it WAS `only' oral! My first times were like that too, remember? I was 12 or
13, the same as you. And I count all of it. We're getting pretty legalistic, aren't we? What's up with
all that?"

"Ok, ok, you got me. Again. I'm just worried about him, that's all. There weren't any killer diseases
when we were young, and I don't want him to get hurt emotionally, either. Well, neither of them, of
course. You remember how bad it got for me after good-old-proper-Catholic Mom discovered that
first time? It changed my life radically, for the worse. It was the hardest time I've ever had in my
life!"

"Yes, of course I do, Paul! You haven't ever really gotten back together with them, even though you
and I ended up together in the end. I also know that's the reason you left home for boarding school
when you were James's age. They're complete assholes about that subject. But you ended up just
fine, even though you went through hell for a couple of years. I know that still hurts something awful
when you think about it. Believe me, I do! Please just remember that we've raised ours with different
values. We've never hurt our kids like that. You and I are NOT like your parents."

"I know we're not. I don't worry about him with us. Well, at least not too much, as long as we don't
go overboard with the liberal thinking or something. It's everybody else out there that makes me
afraid for him. It's just as homophobic out in the world as it was when we were young. Don't you
worry about that?"

"Yeah, I do. Especially now that we can see he might be gay or bi himself. But we just CAN'T let
that get in the way of him having a full and complete life, and be able to hold his head up high. We're
here to support him. To protect him, even, if he needs it. I will NOT let fear take over and ruin his
life! I just can't. I don't want you to let your own past fears and horrible environment get super-
imposed onto James's life. Can you see that?"

"You're right. Of course. You've always been able to focus me and keep me centered, haven't you?
It's one of the reasons I love you more than my own life..." Paul was surprised to feel himself close to
tears. He started blinking rapidly, and cleared his throat.

Alison got up and went to him, hugging him as he remained seated. Paul buried his face in her mid-
section and heaved a huge sigh. Ali stroked the back of his head, and murmured, "Go ahead, let it out.
We haven't talked about this in a lot of years, have we? I think James is going to be bringing up quite
a lot of memories and feelings for us. More so for you than me, maybe. It won't always be pleasant.
Just remember that I'm here, Mister Man... I am relentless. And I'm never going to let anything or
anybody hurt either of my fellas. You got that? I'm here. We're together."

Paul's reply was muffled by the position his face was in. "I'll try and remember. I didn't realize how
afraid this makes me for him. It's really pushing some old buttons for me, isn't it?" And he hugged
her more tightly, making small stroking motions on her back.

"Good. I'm glad that's settled. Just remember that you are NOT all alone in this, the way you were
before for yourself. Now, how's about we get the kitchen cleaned up and go watch some TV or
something. Family room or ours? I'm sure James can manage to find us if he needs anything."

Paul gathered himself, and helped her clear and wash up. All he said was "Ours..." and smiled at his
wife of eighteen years. Those years somehow seemed to fall away at times like this, and he felt
protected and safe, just as he always had with Alison.

Paul suddenly thought of something else, too. "Shit, we also have to really get ready to have that other
chat with James pretty soon. Maybe even tomorrow. We'll tell him together, right? I don't want to
face that one all on my own."

Alison nodded affirmatively as she said, "We've been preparing for this talk for years, Paul. Stop
worrying too much about it. We'll do fine, and of course we'll do it together. Tomorrow if you like.
No problem, ok?"

Paul smiled tentatively, but seemed stronger inside himself as he heard her words.

Ali kept giving her husband reassuring touches as they finished up the domestic chores. As they left
the kitchen, heading through the living room to the hallway with all the bedroom doors, Ali whispered,
"Shush! Let's do this quietly. I don't want them to think we're listening at their door or something..."

Paul grinned as he nodded his agreement. They moved softly down the hall together. They stopped in
front of the closed door to their bedroom, which was just opposite James's door, as well. As Ali
leaned forward to open their door as quietly as she could, noises could be clearly heard coming from
behind the other door.

"OH! James! Aaaahhhhh...!" and there were also crystal clear sounds of the bed creaking and bodies
thumping around in there.

Paul grabbed Ali and said, "Oh my God..."

Ali shushed him again emphatically, and dragged him into their room, shutting it behind them with a
quiet click.

The hallway was empty again.

************************************************
Neither James nor Sakjai had any idea that they had been heard, of course. They were in their own
little universe in James's room, weren't they? They were lost in each other, oblivious to anything else.

Sakjai was prostrate on the bed, one arm flung over his head, his shirt open all the way down his front.
He was still breathing heavily, but at the same time it had a dream-like quality to it. He was lightly
stroking James's hair. James was resting his head on Sakjai's abdomen, feeling it rise and fall beneath
him as the Thai boy's breath flowed in and out. One of James's hands still lay cupped around Sakjai's
crotch as the copious wetness of his orgasm seeped throughout the front of his pants. It felt warm and
somehow comforting to them both. For once, nothing seemed pressing in on them. For now, they
were simply content to be with one another. Neither spoke as the storms of passion dissipated.

The minutes ticked past peacefully. James almost went to sleep.

Sakjai thought about what had just occurred. He was amazed that his body could be made to feel what
had just swept over him. He had never ever felt that wonderful. Not even one time. Now that he was
resting in the afterglow, he realized something else. He now knew with greater clarity that there were
gaping wounds in his life. He was more aware than he had ever been before of exactly how barren his
world had been. How alone and lonely he was. How numb his body; how silent his world.

Well, actually, Sakjai had known quite a lot about things being wrong. That's why he had been going
back to his Auntie's house to do what he'd planned to do tonight. But he'd never been able to figure
out exactly what was wrong. He had always thought it was something about himself. He had always
hoped that he could do something to change his world, but he'd never been successful in his attempts.
That was another piece of the reason he had been on the brink of doing the one thing he could do to
take control of his situation. And to think, he'd never even been afraid of what he was about to do!
How alarming that thought was right now. And, how sad...

An image came to him. A baby bird, not yet able to see, but its little beak wide open in hope that its
mother would place some nourishing tidbit inside. But no food ever came. The mother bird seemed
never to be there. It was totally dependent on something that never came. There was nothing at all
that it could do for itself. And there never had been; it had always been helpless. So, all the baby bird
could do was keep wishing for something outside itself to save it, nurture it even. Of course, the
problem had never had anything to do with the baby bird. It was simply left too much alone, far too
soon, and so never had a chance at life. It would just die, fading away from life. The mother bird was
responsible, if anything was.

Sakjai blinked and stared up at the ceiling, his hand never breaking contact with James. The mother
bird...

His own mother. Who was she, really? Why had he never been able to quite get her attention? And
there was also his father, who had apparently died without ever wishing to know Sakjai. Nobody else
there for him, ever. No other family he was close to. He didn't even know what being touched was
like. So of course, he'd never known what he was missing. It was as though everybody he'd ever
needed and depended on had gone missing somehow. It wasn't himself that was the problem after all.
And he'd just discovered it, for the first time in his life.

A vast, powerful, wave of sadness and outrage almost overwhelmed him as he lay there quietly. But
he remembered to hold on. Suddenly he found both his hands grabbing James, trying desperately to
gather him closer into his own body. Holding on to that, the wave washed past him without dragging
him along with it. As it had almost done so recently, this very afternoon.

From his own half-sleeping state, James became aware of the strength of Sakjai's grip. He roused
himself more fully, and looked up at Sakjai. The Thai youth raised his head from the pillows and
smiled intensely at James. They fell into each other's eyes.

"You ok, Sakjai?"

"Yes, James. I think I will always be fine now, if you are with me. I'm trying to remember that. I
almost forgot. But I held on."

"Shit! This is all really happening, isn't it? I've been worried that it was all a dream..."

"You worry a lot, James. Don't forget everything."

"Forget...?"

"Yes, James. I am trying to remember that I have you to hold onto now. Don't forget that you can
hold onto me, the same."

James pulled himself up alongside the new center of his universe. He threw one leg over Sakjai, and
used both arms to hug him tight. He murmured into Sakjai's ear, "If I ever forget, will ya please keep
telling me?"

"Of course, James, na-nohn! Certainly." But then Sakjai thought of something else, and giggled.

"What are ya laughing about?"

"You forgot something already, James!" He kept on giggling.

"What'd I forget now?" James whined a bit.

"You forgot you have to give me a bathe now! I am all `nee-ow' down there..."

"Nee-ow?"

Sakjai thought for a nano-second. "I don't know that word in English..."

They both said it together: "Dictionary!"

James saw the book over on his desk, and made a dash for it. He was back next to Sakjai in the blink
of an eye. Sakjai ruffled quickly through the Thai-English half of the book. He found it right off. He
then showed it to James, pointing to the correct exotic squiggles.

James read the English part out loud. "Sticky. Adjective, as in sticky rice." He looked up at Sakjai
and asked, "Nee-ow means sticky rice? I don't get it."

Sakjai looked at the Thai word again. "No, `sticky rice' is just an example only. `Nee-ow' means
sticky. I am `sticky' down there. It is getting more sticky, also!" And pointed to his cum-soaked lap,
still smiling. He didn't seem shy about it at all!

James was, all of a sudden, though. Shy, that is.

"Oh. That. Sorry about that..."

"James, why are you always sorry? I'm not sorry about it at all. I am GLAD!"

"Right. Sorry..."

"No more `sorry'! Play in the bath with me!"

"With you? In the bath? Both of us?"

"James! How can you give me a bath without being in it, also? You are very funny sometimes!"

"Huh! Glad I can provide such high quality entertainment.... Sor...NO NO! Not sorry, ok?"

"Good. Now the bath, please?"

"Umm, Sakjai, I never did this before...I don't know if I can take my, umm, clothes off in front of
you." And he blushed right to the roots of his curly brown hair.

"James! You are shy? Really?"

"Well, yeah. This isn't the same as ducking into the showers at school for about 15 seconds and
hoping nobody sees me..."

"But, I WANT to see you with no clothes! I want you to see me, the same!" He even surprised
himself at how emphatic he was about it, how certain he felt. That was part of the new life being
shown to him tonight.

"But why?" Anxiously playing for time while he frantically scrambled around inside his mind.

"Why not? You are strong and handsome! You are my James. I felt something hard already. I want
to see it!" And he reached down between them and grabbed onto James's dick. It wasn't hard
anymore. In fact, it seemed to try and shrivel inside James's body. He withdrew from the touch
instinctively.

But James tried to keep being honest. "Sakjai, what if I'm NOT all that? What if you see me and
don't like what you see?"

Sakjai tried to think about what James was saying, and contained his newly awakened impatience.
"You think you are not handsome and strong? What DO you think?"

"What if you think I'm ugly? And fat?"

"Fat, James? Moment, please...dictionary..." And leafed through the book again. "Oh, sorry James.
You look for this word fat, and show me in Thai."

James sighed and said, "I can't believe we're talking about it like this..." But he manfully looked up
the word. And showed it to Sakjai.

"Oo-en. Oo-en, really? You think this about your body?"

"Yeah, well...I'm not exactly thin, ya know..." And blushed again.

"Yes, James, not thin for sure! I am too thin. But you are not, err... fat. Funny short word..."

"But you're not too thin. You're perfect!"

"Good, James. I am glad you think `too thin' is perfect! I am happy to believe you about that. So
maybe you can believe me that you are perfect the same. Perfect for ME!"

That was surely a novel idea. Other people had tried to tell him that he wasn't fat. They'd never
gotten his attention like Sakjai had just done.

"How many kilos do you have, James?"

"Kilos? You mean how much do I weigh? I don't really know. What's a kilo?"

"Oh. Sorry, James, I forgot America is one of the last places to start metric systems. You think in,
err...pounds, is that it?"

"Yeah, of course! What do ya mean, `...one of the last places...' about the metric thing? I was
supposed to memorize that a couple years ago, but I didn't bother. Nobody else does!"

"Hmmm. James, 1 kilogram is..." he began, leafing to the back of the dictionary and looking at a table
of comparative weights and measures, "2.2 pounds for you. How many pounds do you have?"

"2.2 pounds to one kilogram...That sounds like an odd number. Weird..."

"How many pounds James? I have 68 kilos. I had to know this for my passport two months ago. That
is the same as, err...(calculating in his head) 150 of your American pounds."

"I must weigh MUCH more than that, Sakjai! But I always avoid weighing myself. It's going to be
pretty bad news, I'm sure..."

"Do you have a measuring machine in your house, James?"

"You mean the scales?"

Sakjai wasn't familiar with the word, but he simply nodded, trusting James.

"Yeah, there's one in the bathroom...the hong-nahm, I mean. Why?" He was definitely trying to
postpone and avoid by playing dumb!

"Then now we will go find out how many pounds you have." And started getting off the bed,
dragging James by the hand. James resisted.

"What do ya mean? Weigh me right now? In front of you?"

Sakjai kept pulling insistently on the arm, and James began to move off the bed despite himself.

"Of course, James? What else?"

"But..." He just gave in. He had only just begun to see the strength and certainty in Sakjai. Most of
that had been hidden so far by the deep depression and resulting panic this afternoon. Only six hours
ago, more or less. How that short amount of time had changed everything!

Sakjai opened the door and led James out. James noticed the lights on in his parents' room. The door
was shut, but the beam of light across the bottom and the sound of the TV was unmistakable. That
made him even shyer, and he tried to hold back some more. But Sakjai kept them both moving
towards the bathroom door; right next to the room they had just exited.

"James, you worry again. I want to show you, on the, err...scales, that you are NOT `oo-en'. Not fat, I
mean."

"Oh God..." But now he wanted to get them out of the hallway, so close to his parents' room. What if
they heard the conversation right now? He blushed just at the thought, and propelled Sakjai into the
bathroom, shutting the door behind them and turning on the lights all in one move. Then he locked the
door, and checked again to make sure it was secure.

"James, where is the...Ah! I see it!" And started pulling James again. The scales were against the
wall, between the toilet and the tub. It wasn't very far to pull the embarrassed American youth.

Sakjai released James's hand, and stood in front of the scales. Then he thought for a second, and
stripped off his shirt. It had still been all the way open down his front anyhow. Then he leaned over
and removed his socks. James took a big breath and held it in. He watched Sakjai simply unbuckle
his trousers and remove them, placing everything on the Formica surface separating the twin sinks.
He stepped onto the scales, wearing only his dark blue bikini briefs. James stared at the vision
unfolding itself before his eyes, and remembered to breathe. He was focused on those perfect buns,
almost revealed just a couple of feet from him. He could have reached out and almost touched them.
But he was also busily obsessing... "Oh God, oh God, oh GOD!" he cried out silently, "I can't get out
of this..."

James looked down at the scales beneath him, where the digital read-out shined red against the
surrounding black outline. "Ah! Yes, James, I am correct about remembering this. Come, have a
look..." And reached behind him for James's hand without looking behind himself.

James could simply think of no other reasonable response than just to take the hand and move forward.
His heart was racing, and beads of sweat were starting to moisten his beet red face. He tried to gulp a
lung full of air as he stepped up beside Sakjai and looked down to the place the Thai boy was pointing,
rather than focusing on the sopping bulge in the front of those tight bikini briefs. Oddly, he found
himself thinking, "J-Press undies? That's what it says right on the front. `J-Press'. Never heard of
those..."

"See, James? 1-5-0 pounds, chai mai?" He had no idea how panicked James was feeling.

"Chai..." James murmured, his thoughts racing to the inevitable horror looming in his immediate
future.

"Ok, James. Now you!" And with that, he stepped backwards off the scales, making inviting motions
as he did. James didn't move. Well, he was rooted to the spot, actually.

Sakjai looked into James's face for the first time since they'd entered the bathroom together. He could
see the terror in those brown eyes he was coming to love so much. "What, James?"

Nothing. Not a squeak escaped the American boy's frozen lips.

"James, are you worrying again? Stop, please. You will see something good now. I promise." And
with his head tilted delightfully to the left, as he so often did, he pointed at the scales again, eyebrows
raised.

James heaved another great gulp of air and moved ponderously toward the scales, as if he was headed
to the hangman's noose instead.

"Wait! Shirt off first!" James's eyes bulged out as he pleaded silently. Oh shit, oh God, oh fuck...

Sakjai nodded and said, "No shirt, no trousers, no socks, the same as me. Do this for me, please."

James looked defeated. He tried to fold in on himself as he pulled his tee shirt off over his head. He
held it in front of his body, feeling naked already.

"Good! I can see more of my James, now!" Then, more softly, he said, "Everything the same as me,
James. Hold onto me in your heart. Like I held onto you in the street before."

"Ooohhh..." It was a moan, but along with it, his socks came off. He didn't know what to do with
them, and he still had his shirt in his hand. He eventually put everything on top of the pile of Sakjai's
outer clothing. He looked down at his naked belly, and blinked. Then, without raising his eyes from
the floor at his feet, he slowly unbuckled his belt, opened the snap on his Levi's, and pulled the zipper
down by pushing and separating the two halves apart. His arms fell to his sides like dead weight. His
pants fell around his lower legs by virtue of their own weight and the force of gravity. (Thank God
today is a boxers day. This isn't as bad as it could be...). And he looked up at Sakjai, who now
seemed something like an implacable nemesis.

"James! Sooo handsome! Now, up..." and made a gesture for James to step onto the scales. (God,
I'm begging to you here...).

But he couldn't avoid it. Like a deer staring into the headlights of an on-coming car, James focused
intensely on Sakjai's face while he stepped backwards onto the scales. He didn't want to look, so he
didn't even bother to face the right way to see the numbers glowing red down below.

Sakjai sighed and came up beside James, putting one hand lightly on James's shoulder. He was trying
to be re-assuring. But James went rigid under the touch.

"James, stand still please...Thank you." Sakjai leaned over a little and glanced down at the read-out.
Then he smiled triumphantly, and said, "Look!"

James blinked and looked Sakjai in the face again, not daring to glance downward at all.

"Look at the numbers!"

"I can't...you tell me. How bad is it?"

"James...you must see for yourself to believe me...!" His voice was almost a whisper, but it was
amazingly intense.

The frightened boy tried to look backwards and down, but it was too much of a twist for his body to
achieve. He nearly toppled over, and grabbed onto Sakjai. He straightened up and turned himself
towards the wall. He looked down. He read the numbers. Then he blinked and said, "That can't be
right!"

"It's correct James. It weighed...Weighed? Yes, that's the word. It weighed me perfect. What does
the scales say? Tell me out loud, please. You must believe this."

So James did. "1-5-9..."

"Yes, James, I am a little bit taller, so I am also thinner. But, look! You have only 9 more pounds
than I do. That is NOT fat!"

"But Sakjai...how can this be? How tall are you, anyway?"

"I am," he began, calculating rapidly in his head from centimeters, "5 feet, 10 « inches tall. And
you?"

"Five foot, nine inches." He whispered it, but there was awe in his tone. He was beginning to see it.

"Yes, James! I am a little bit taller, so I am also thinner. But, look! You have only nine more pounds
than I do. This is NOT fat!"

"I'm not fat...Jesus Christ. But why...?"

"I don't care WHY you think you were fat. But you are worrying about nothing. Chai mai?"

"Chai..." And he stepped backwards off the scales, looking down at himself. Substantial, but not
really even plump. Sort of...normal...Normal? Me? He looked back up at Sakjai and lop-sidedly tried
to smile. But he was kind of in shock.

The famous Thai smile erupted from Sakjai's face. From his whole body, really. Then he began to
look concerned. "You are hot, James? Look, all the water on your face. What is the English word
please?"

"Sweat..." He said it automatically, with no real feeling to it.

"Sweat. Yes, thank you. You look hot and very tired. I will give you a bath first, before me. You
need to cool off and relax."

"Me? Bath? But..."

"No `buts' James. Show me about the water, please." Certain as a rock.

And so he was shown the water lever and the temperature controls. He put the plug down and started
to fill the tub. "Not too hot, not too cold..." Murmuring to himself.

He turned to look up at James, who was simply standing and staring, panicking again.

"Ok, James, into the water." As he attempted to comply, Sakjai stopped him with one hand on his
belly. A little rounded, perhaps, but not fat. "James, the keng nai..."

"Huh?"

"Shorts, James. Off!"

(Oh shit...what the hell am I supposed to do now...?) He couldn't raise his arms to do it. So, of
course, Sakjai helped him. Just pulled the boxers down. And James stepped out of them. He couldn't
even cover himself down there. It would have been far too obvious! Naturally, Sakjai looked. It was
all just about at the level of his face, anyhow. It wasn't as though he had to look closely. He was
close already!

"Very good! You are not cut. The same as me. I thought Americans were cut usually...?"

"My Dad says it's better to leave everything natural like that. There aren't many like me. I always
thought that was weird. Kids used to laugh at me when I was younger. Now I just don't let them
look..."

"Natural. Yes, I understand that. I think the same. Only Muslims in Thailand are cut. For their
religion. I'm glad yours is the same as me. See?"

He abruptly stood up and shucked his blue briefs, just like that. And they stood looking at each other,
naked. Even in his most torrid jerk off fantasies, James had never imagined anything like this. He
looked downwards, too, of course. He had to.

James murmured, "It's beautiful..."

"Beautiful? Really? Yours is bigger. No, not more long, alai wah...more,err... big, like this..." The
word escaped him, so he made a circle with his thumb and forefinger, widening the size of the hole he
was making as an example of what he meant. "What is the word for bigger, but not longer?"

"Umm, maybe `thicker' or something?"

"Perfect! Yes. We are about the same size, but yours is thicker." Then he reached out and took it
gently into his hand.

Sakjai's touch felt warm and safe. He wasn't shy anymore. No, that wasn't quite right. He was still
shy. But his whole nervous system and the new experiences he was dealing with all made some circuit
breaker sort of shut down. He never expected the touch of a beautiful boy's hand on his dick to be just
`safe and warm'. He would have predicted that this scenario would feel incredibly sexy. He looked
down at his penis in the hand of his new love, sort of as an observer, like it was in a movie he was
watching. It didn't tingle with sexuality; it didn't make him hard.

And what had Sakjai just said? Something about being `about the same size'? He looked at Sakjai's
cock. It wasn't small. He looked back at his own, more objectively. For the first time ever. His was
truly about the same length. More or less. But Sakjai's was NOT small. Therefore, what? His
thoughts struggled to continue despite the hazy fog of being emotionally overloaded.

Therefore...HIS wasn't short, either. And it did look thicker than Sakjai's.

(So...I'm not really fat. He doesn't think I'm ugly, and he's seen all of me, now. What if I'm not
really fat and ugly? What if I don't really have a tiny little dick? What if I'm sort of... normal?) If it's
possible to become more stunned than he already was, that's what James was feeling. He reached out,
ever so tentatively, and touched Sakjai's penis. Felt it all over. It twitched and began to rise up.

The Thai boy giggled, and thrust his hips out a bit, giving James better access. "See, James?
Ewww...very sticky! But I think he likes you! Look, it's getting strong again. I never had this before,
strong two times in one day. I like it!"

James could feel his own dick being squeezed and fondled. It felt good. But it didn't cause any sexual
tingles. His penis stayed in its flaccid state. That continued to surprise him.

Sakjai said, "Oh, so I am now strong again, but you are not? Maybe you awk nahm boy-boy wanee
lao?"

James blinked as he tried to focus.

"James, teach me these words please. Awk nahm...make sticky water...?"

"Oh. Cum."

"Really? Come here, come there, come everywhere!" He laughed, then said it again. "Cum. Ok.
Boy-boy means `often', maybe similar to `many times'. Wanee...today. Lao means already. You
see? Maybe you cum many times today already. No prom-plem! It will be strong again when it's
rested enough. Bath now! Into the water please..."

As James stepped into the tub and sank into the warm water lapping around him, Sakjai soaped his
hands and moved them everywhere, all over James's body. Cleaning, yes, but also just luxuriating in
the opportunity to stroke and fondle every inch of James's body, from the top of his curly brown head
all the way to the bottoms of his feet. James simply responded to the prompts of his new love, moving
this way and that, holding up an arm, then a leg, as he was caressed smoothly and softly all over. He
liked it. He loved it. It felt amazing. Nobody had ever touched him like this. Well, not since he was
still in the diaper stage and in that baby bath they still had somewhere in the basement, gathering dust.

But at the same time, he was still wondering why he didn't have a hard on. And, of course, he began
worrying about that new thought.

Right about that time, he found himself totally squeaky clean and rinsed off, his wet skin gleaming in
the lights around them. Sakjai said, "Good. Now me." And scrunched down into the water facing
James, their naked legs entangled between them. "Never mind James, you relax. I can wash myself.
You just enjoy looking, ok?" He smiled, he leered, and he preened as he washed himself. Especially
when he washed his still erect member. He got onto his knees between James's legs as he washed that
particular area. James was indeed watching every move. But he also focused on the fact that there
wasn't a twitch from between his legs. And he had NOT cum many times today. In fact, he had done
it only the one time, this morning. So it was already less than usual today, and he'd been sooo excited
before, as he pleasured Sakjai. Why was that?

Sakjai was still rubbing himself in the crotch. Way more than clean. Now he was also enjoying doing
it for the benefit of James's rapt attention. Then he said, "See, James? Look...!" And he held his
hard-on up against his stomach, cupping his nads in the other hand. It was actually a single nad, so to
speak Not gonads, plural...

"See, James, I have only one egg." James looked closer, and sure enough, there was only one testicle
in the otherwise normal-sized ballsack. Huh. James had never seen only one like that before.

"What happened to the other one, Sakjai? Did it hurt?"

Sakjai giggled and toyed with his genitals, saying, "No, never hurt. The doctor told my mother one
time that the other one is up inside me somewhere, and won't ever come down. I could never find it."
He was probing into the sides of his groin, obviously not hurting himself, or worrying either. His
hard-on stayed, well, ...hard. Then the Thai boy added with a wicked grin, "But I think everything
works fine, chai mai?"

James found himself smiling despite his emotional exhaustion. "Yeah, there doesn't seem to be any
prom-plem with that...!" Smiling like that seemed to help him break through his emotional stupor.

Then, encouraged by that, James had another thought. "Sakjai, what's the Thai word for `one'?"

"Neung, James. Why?"

A lazy grin spread over James's face, and he asked, "Wanna have a new nickname for yourself?"

"A new nickname? I never used a nickname before. Nobody ever thought of one for me, so I never
think about it for myself. What new nickname do you choose for me, James?"

"Neung."

"Neung? Oh...! Neung! I understand! One egg, nicknamed Neung! I like it!" Actually, he seemed
delighted and energized even further! "This is really a Thai nickname, too! Many Thai boys have the
nickname Neung. Maybe because they are born first, maybe because his mother wanted him to be
`Number One' in everything. I never thought of this. Neung! It's a good nickname. Thank you,
James... Again, you give me something else wonderful. Sooo many times today." And lowered
himself carefully into a hug, not wanting to slip and fall too heavily on James as he sloshed beneath
him.

Their arms and legs wrapped around each other the best they could in that position. Water lapped out
of the tub in little waves, and then was quiet again. James could feel the entire naked length of the
Thai boy sliding around on top of him. Sakjai's erection was rubbing James's crotch, so James opened
his thighs enough to allow it to poke between his legs, under his balls. He grabbed Sakjai's---no,
Neung's---perfect buns and squeezed.

There was a contented groan from Neung. "Oh, James. This is sooo perfect. Everything."

James wondered again why he didn't have a raging hard-on. But he made an affirmative "Mmmm..."
sound.

They made squidgy noises as the water moved them gently around, rubbing them together in all the
right places. Neung's hard-on pulsed with pleasure, but he said, "James, the water is getting cold now.
Maybe better we go back to the bed. I can give you a Thai massage. It will help you sleep. I know
how. Easy for me!"

They managed to exit the tub without killing themselves or each other. James opened the drain plug,
and showed Neung where the towels were, in the cupboard by the entrance. They were huge and
fluffy, and smelled like sunshine on newly mown grass. Neung dried James, and then himself. James
didn't have to lift a finger, except when Neung moved something to dry it. It was all slow, loving and
gentle. Neung wanted to begin giving back to the one person who had been his salvation today.

He realized again that if it hadn't been for James, he would most likely be dead already. The Thai
youth blinked tears away.

He then wrapped the bath sheets around each of them, securing them snugly with a simple twist that
James had never seen before. Then Neung gathered all their clothes into one big bundle, and opened
the bathroom door. They started to move quietly towards their bedroom, naked except for their
towels. As they got there, they saw Paul standing in the doorway of the Master suite. Quietly, just
standing there, and trying to look casual at the same time.

"Everything ok, boys?"

James was struck dumb again, but Sakjai didn't notice. He was that eager to let his enthusiasm burst
out. "Oh, Khun Paul! Everything is perfect! I have a new nickname. I am now Neung. In Thai
language, that means `Number One'. I am Number One for my James! How are YOU, Khun Paul?"
And the youth's head cocked over a little to the left, as it tended to do.

James's Dad had never heard the Thai youth say so much all at once, let alone with such gusto. It
flustered him a little. He also tried not to let his gaze wander too visibly to the manner in which the
two were tucked into each other as Sakjai spoke. They seemed so much like one unit! They belonged
together, like a matched set. He was astonished to see it this plainly now. He wondered how he could
possibly have been uncertain about what these two star-struck lovers were doing. But then he mustered
his wits and said, "Umm, good. I'm good. Neung? Neung. Ok, I'll tell James's mother, too. She's
asleep already, though."

"Oh! Sorry!" The Thai's voice lowered to a fierce whisper. "We will sleep now, too, then, Khun
Paul. Chai mai, James?"

James just depended on his new friend, and said, "Chai. G'night, Dad... See you in the morning."

And with that, Sakjai led them into their room. THEIR room, Paul noticed how he'd just thought that
phrase. As the door shut behind them, Paul scratched his head and muttered, "Jesus...umm..." Then a
little louder, so he would be heard through the closed door, "Sleep well, boys!" As he shut his and
Alison's door for the night, he could have been heard (if anybody had actually been there at the time)
speaking quietly to himself, "What a day. What'll happen tomorrow, I wonder?"

End of Part 10