Interlude -

Conversations Between Times

Tears streaked down Andrei's face at the memories he had just experienced. He knew that know more than a few seconds had passed, but he felt the years of J'Stan's memories weighing him down. The great stone chamber he was in was still lit by the golden ball of light J'Stan had created, hovering twenty feet above the dais where the two sat facing each other. Andrei had 'shaped' his stone chair from the dais partway through the sharing of J'Stan's memories.

Seated in the chair across the dais, J'Stan stared silently at him, his face a mask devoid of emotions. But the sharing of the memories had taught him much of the being who sat there. He could see the nervousness around the eyes, the fear of rejection in the corners of the mouth. His heart warred with his mind in reaction to the things he'd learned.

"Your heart, your breathing. You went a long time without your heart beating, or even breathing. How'd you stay alive?" he asked, not wanting to touch other subjects.

"What's alive?" J'Stan asked quietly.

"I don't understand." Andrei said.

"Humans have to breath, the heart has to pump blood for life. It's that way with all animals. A similar process takes place in plant life. We're different. Until our abilities manifest themselves, we're just like other humans. Once our abilities have manifested themselves, we begin to change. At first, the changes are minimal, and don't last long. As time goes by, and if we really expand our concepts of what life is, these things become unnecessary. Our will powers our life. Hell, I don't even know if this is the same body I was born with. All I know is that it is what my mind tells me I inhabit."

Andrei's mind whirled around these concepts, but couldn't quite fully grasp them. From the memories, he knew what it felt like to live a month without his heart beating, but the thought of trying it himself terrified him. He suddenly wondered if this really was better than being smashed against the wall outside.

"There's been hundreds of times I thought the same myself" J'Stan said.

"Why did you kill Father Morgan? You could have made it look like you had, you could have bluffed."

"Bluff? If they really had attacked, they might have won. I couldn't let that happen. Growing up, the world was balanced between by two powers through a concept called Mutual Assured Destruction."

"I don't remember that." Andrei said, curiosity consuming him again.

"It was before the Event. In fact, it ended decades before the Event when one of the two countries collapsed economically. It was Russia and the US, you do remember them?"

When Andrei nodded, J'Stan continued.

"Russia was known as the Soviet Union for a long time, and it's economic philosophy was diametrically opposed as that of the US. In those days, money was the true God of the world, no matter what people tried to convince themselves. The dispute on economic philosophy resulted in two countries with enough nuclear weapons to turn the world into a cinder block.

"For almost fifty years, these two countries vied for supremacy, never really getting into open warfare. The only reason they didn't was their nuclear weapons. Both sides had enough to annihilate the other. They both promised that if they were pressed too hard by the other side, they'd use them. Both sides knew that to use their weapons would ensure their own destruction as well as the enemies.

"The difference between the conflict with Jheris' group was that we ourselves were the weapons instead of nuclear warheads. If either the US or Russia believed the other side would not have ever used their weapons, it would have provided an opening for the opponent to have used. After all, what threat is the other's doomsday weapon if they'll never use it?"

"So you weren't bluffing?"

"You experienced that from my point of view. Did you feel like I was bluffing?"

"No, you were just so cold, so determined. It was like you were detached from yourself."

"Yes, I was. If I had let myself care too much at the moment, I'd have never done it. Father Morgan's death was as much to convince myself that I could destroy the planet as it was to convince Jheris. If I couldn't kill him for real, could I have destroyed the planet?"

"That's a heavy price to pay."

"Not as heavy as the alternative."

"But the Mists still came."

"Yes."

"And Adam? You were lying to yourself. You loved him like you loved Curtis and Jason, not like Tad or Erica."

At that, J'Stan hung his head for a moment. "Yes, but he was too young. I thought he was just infatuated with me, and the loss of the twins was still too new. I didn't want to let my emotions go and then end up having him dump me a few years later. Besides, he needed to grow up some. Then I killed his father. If I ever gave him what he wanted, he'd find out about it. I mean, I knew everything about Jason and Curtis, and they knew everything about me. It was more than what we've shared."

"So, he didn't get to be with you, even after the eighty years?"

"No, no, he waited eighty years for me, and did his best to make me stick to the deal"

"Oh"

"Yes, Oh." J'Stan said. "I never should have told him about where I went after the attack on his father's wagons. He found me there, and from there set in motion the events that became the Shapers' War."

"He set off the Shapers' War? But how did the war happen? I mean, if you were going to destroy the planet if Jheris moved against New Phoenix, why would they risk it? And why didn't you carry through your threat?"

"Are you sure you want the answer? I don't feel like talking about it..."

Andrei gulped, realizing this meant more memories to come. He relaxed into the chair, opening his mind up for the now familiar flow. "Show me" he commanded.

Quoting a movie turned to dust thousands of years before, J'Stan whispered, "As you wish..." and the room spun once more, until it settled on a gray vista capped by the inky blackness of unfiltered space.